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October 2, 2017

Tips On Impressing Women Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

By wise sloth

Note 1: All women are different, and every individual woman changes over time, which means it’s impossible to make universal generalizations about women. However, if you want to impress them, you need to have some kind of understanding of how they think and behave. This guide is a starting point, and it makes a lot of generalizations. Take them with a grain of salt, and pay attention to the woman you’re trying to impress to figure out her specific wants.

Note 2: Also, understand that you can get more dates by changing your entire life to be everything women want, and many men have had great success with the ladies doing just that. But what does it say about you if you change your entire identity to satisfy someone else’s expectations? It kind of makes you an empty slave. Neither gender was put on this earth to be a slave to the other. We’re all individuals with an opportunity and responsibility to define and express our own individuality. Incidentally, the more we become ourselves, the more of a complete person we can share with our lover. So before you change your ways to impress a woman, ask yourself if you should.

EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY IS THE MOST USEFUL WAY TO UNDERSTAND DATING

There are more anatomical differences between men and women than just our sex organs. Our entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Just as our bodies are wired a little different, so are our brains. Everyone’s brain are hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision-making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.

We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as 5 trials a man has to complete in order to impress the instinctual ghost in a woman’s brain. You don’t complete these trials one after the other though. You complete all of them simultaneously. If you can pass the test and prove to her subconscious that you can help her and her offspring fulfill their potential, then the primal part of her brain will tell her to be attracted to you even if she doesn’t want or need you to actually provide for her and her offspring. This doesn’t guarantee she’ll marry you, just that part of her will be interested in you. The rest is up to you.

THE 1ST TRIAL: SURVIVAL PSYCHOLOGY

No matter how funny, educated or exciting you are, if you can’t help a woman and her offspring survive, then you’re not a very attractive mate.  Even women who make enough money to be the breadwinner of the household are still instinctively more attracted to men who look success than to men who don’t.  So if you want women to be attracted to you, give them a reason to believe you would be a strong, stable provider.

Be attractive (in all 5 senses).

You can value and respect all body sizes and types and still be attracted to attractive people without being shallow and petty. In fact, we don’t have much of a choice. Our instincts determine what we find sexually attractive, and women tend to be attracted to well-dressed, well-groomed, clean, muscular men who smell nice. If being attracted to that kind of man is petty, then Mother Nature is petty… but she’s not really. She’s pragmatic. The human race needs the healthiest members of the species to mate and evolve. Women are like bees looking for a man-flower to pollinate, and the men with the brightest petals attract the most bees. That’s life.

I’m not saying every man should be a professional model (though I will say that every model will attract women). But it’s naïve for out of shape men to complain about how they can’t get a date. The reason they can’t get a date isn’t because women are petty. They can’t get a date because Mother Nature is telling women not to date them.

If you still think that’s petty and unfair, then consider this: It’s not fair to your family for you to die from a preventable disease halfway through your life. You should be in shape and eating healthy anyway. Getting more dates is just one of the many benefits of taking care of yourself.

Look at the situation from a woman’s point of view. Any woman in the world can have sex today if she wanted. All she has to do is go outside and ask every man she sees to sleep with her, and sooner rather than later, a man will agree. When a woman does sleep with a man, he enters her body and imprints himself on her physically, emotionally and mentally. The quality of the man who enters her is indicative of her quality as a person.

Look successful.

Probably the single most defining attribute of an ideal mate is success. The more successful a man is, the better he’ll be able to produce and provide for children to carry on their mother’s DNA. If you want women to look at you with hunger, then look successful, because success is what rings their Pavlovian bell.

Granted, not every woman wants to marry a man who dresses like Don Draper, but there are more ways to look good than just in a business suit. The important thing is that you’re clean and well groomed. Your clothes fit flatteringly. You have style, and you project the message that you’re collected and ambitious. If you can achieve that, you’ll turn heads.

Consider the alternative. A grown man who wears a tank top and pajamas to the grocery store doesn’t send out any signals that he can support a family. That’s not to say that men who dress like The Big Lebowski are bad people who don’t deserve dates; the goal in life isn’t to be the perfect boy toy. The goal is to be the perfect you. Just understand that the less effort you put into looking successful, the less the sight of you is going to light up the erogenous zones in women’s brains.

Have a stable, well-paying job.

Having a stable, well-paying job is part of being a responsible adult. It’s not too much for women to ask their life partner to be a responsible adult and pull his own weight. It’s not that women need a man to provide for them, but it is extremely important to most women that their man has a stable, well-paying job.

Granted, every woman knows there’s more to a man than just his job title and paycheck. Unemployed men still deserve love. However, all men should be mindful of the fact that there are about 4 billion other wonderful men in the world who also deserve love… and have a job.

If you’re willing to put a lot of work into attracting women, then start by putting a lot of work into getting a stable, well-paying job. Just make sure that your job is personally rewarding to you. Don’t spend your life at a grueling office job you hate just to impress women. Any joy you take from your relationships will be overshadowed by the misery you experience at work, and the stress will inevitably affect your home life, degrading and destroying the relationships you sacrificed your happiness for in the first place.

Show ambition.

A man with ambition is going places, and women who are with ambitious men go places with them. It’s not petty of women to want a man who can help them get ahead in life. If anything, you could argue it would be irresponsible for a woman to invest in a man who won’t improve her quality of life.

Regardless of how successful a man is or becomes, simply by being ambitious, he demonstrates forward thinking, purpose, strength, commitment and many more virtues for the woman at his side (or watching him from across the room) to admire in him.

Spend money on women.

Everybody likes to have money spent on them. Everyone likes receiving presents; just look at how popular birthdays, Christmas and Valentine Day are. Not only is it nice to get new stuff you didn’t have to pay for, but receiving a present makes you feel special. And who doesn’t want to feel special? Plus, when a man gives a gift to a woman, he demonstrates his ability to provide for her and her offspring in the future.

THE 2ND TRIAL: SAFETY PSYCHOLOGY

It takes more than a healthy body and a job to be a good mate. Life is long and full of unexpected dangers. Granted, life isn’t as dangerous as it used to be. So men might not have to slay a lion to pass the second trial, but they do need to give women a reason to believe the concrete jungle isn’t going to eat them and their family alive.

Appear confident.

One of the simplest tests men have to pass in order to prove themselves is whether or not he has the courage to talk to a woman in the first place. One of the easiest ways for a woman to weed out the boys from the men is to stand around and see who has the courage to talk to her. Granted, just because a man has the courage to talk to a woman doesn’t guarantee he’s a fearless prince with a heart of gold, but what is a woman supposed to think about a man who doesn’t even have the courage to approach her?

Women don’t need a savior or protector, but they’re attracted to men they could rely on if need be. One of the easiest ways to guess how capable a man is at overcoming life’s adversities is by looking at his posture and listening to his voice. A shaky, insecure tone of voice demonstrates a lack of faith in ones’ self, which is usually based on experience. A direct, confident tone of voice is usually forged by experiencing success. Granted, you can fake a confident tone of voice, but life is always testing us. Men who stand up for themselves, think clearly under pressure and take risks will continue to impress their mates. Men who shrink from life’s challenges tend to lose their mate’s interest.

Be decisive and proactive.

Some women are looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to a castle. Most women don’t need that, but everyone can benefit from having a competent, capable partner to watch their back, fight alongside them and carry them when need be. Women don’t expect men to be superheroes, but there’s something sexy about a man who can take charge of a situation and make order out of chaos. It demonstrates a general sense of responsibility and dependability. Another reason for women to admire decisive, proactive behavior is because men who know what they want and go after it, often achieve their goals. And when they succeed, their family succeeds.

Being indecisive and only reacting to what life throws at you is not a recipe for success. That’s more of a recipe for cowardice, and cowards don’t tend to get far in life. You can’t depend on a coward. In fact, cowards need to be taken care of. Women can be very good at taking care of their man, but with 4 billion men competing for every woman’s attention, why should a woman pick a lovable coward over a lovable trailblazer?

Make a commitment to her.

You may have a lot going for you, but that doesn’t mean much to a woman if you’re not going to be faithful to her. Life is short, and women have little motive to invest their time in a man who is just going to leave her. Granted, asking a woman for her hand in marriage on a first date is probably going to freak her out, but so will texting another girl while you’re on said date.

Own your life and pursue meaningful goals

Women want to be with a man who is going to accomplish great things and be happy with himself and his life. If you’re not going anywhere in life, then neither will the woman in your life. She has higher ambitions than watching you eat potato chips and watch sports. Plus, if you don’t have a firm direction in life, then you’ll have nothing to stand for, which will cause you to fail her shit tests.

THE 3RD TRIAL: SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY

No person is an island. Our lives rise and fall in communities. Our standing in the community has a huge effect on our quality of life and long-term chances of survival. The more you can help a woman improve her social standing, the more her ghost will tell her what a good catch you are.

Impress her family, friends, and frenemies.

Women are more socially-minded than men. Men tend to solve problems by going into their man cave and thinking really hard. Women tend to talk about their problems with people close to them and use that as a vehicle to work through their decision-making process. One of the biggest life decisions anyone makes is who to spend their life with. Any man who wants a woman to think well of him would be wise to make her family, friends, and frenemies think well him. Then those people will whisper positive, encouraging things to her about him, helping her make up her mind. When a man pisses off everyone close to a woman, they inevitably whisper negative things him into the woman’s ear.

Elevate her place in the social hierarchy.

This is as true today as it was 40,000 years ago; The more members of your community who look up to you, the more likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. The more members of your community who look down on you, the less likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. Popularity is a tremendously valuable commodity. The more social capital a man has, the more valuable he is as a mate. The more unpopular a man is, the more of a liability he is to his mate.

If a woman catches a man who other women want (like a hot musician), it will raise her social value even if that man doesn’t have a good job and wouldn’t be a good provider. The fact that she beat the rest of the women in the competition, makes her the alpha female for the day. She probably won’t stay with the guy forever, but if he doesn’t want her to anyway then both people got something they wanted.

You don’t have to be a rock star to impress women, mainly you just have to look successful. Probably the easiest way to accomplish this is to own a very expensive looking car, like a used Porsche. Ask anyone who owns a Porsche, women will try to date you just so that other women will see them in your Porsche. If this makes women sound petty, let me redeem myself by pointing out that, statistically speaking, most women will fall madly in love with a man who has little to no social value. Many women would never even consider dating a musician or Porsche owner. However, it should come as no surprise that musicians and Porsche owners have less difficulty finding dates than Sci Fi nerds who live in their mothers’ basement.

THE 4TH TRIAL: SELF-ESTEEM

Once your survival is secured, you can (and will) turn your attention to higher-level, more abstract goals, such as developing your identity. The more you can help another person achieve that goal, the more useful of a mate you are.

Make her feel good and smile.

This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a girl smile, the more reasons you give her to keep coming back to you. The less you make her smile, and the more you make her frown, the more reasons you give her to stay away from you. That’s not to say that emo kids never get dates. It’s just to say that funny kids get more dates than emo kids.

Compliment her.

The world is often cold and unloving. We all have pain that needs soothing and insecurities that need diffusing. We all put tons of work in looking and acting nice, but we rarely get any positive feedback for our efforts. It’s the easiest thing in the world to compliment someone, and the joy it brings can last for the rest of their life. The more you build up a woman, the more she’ll want to spend more time with you. And when she’s with you, she’ll want to build you up. If you abandon her emotionally, she’ll likely reciprocate the gesture.

Do thoughtful things for her.

Women like compliments, but compliments only reveal so much about a man’s character. Women like it when men spend money on them, but anyone can spend money; it doesn’t necessarily prove anything other than the fact that you have money. Doing something thoughtful for a woman shows that you know her inside and out and are willing to go out of your way for her. It demonstrates virtue on multiple levels, which gives women multiple reasons to be attracted to you.

THE 5TH TRIAL: SELF-ACTUALIZATION

When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels. However, if this is the only trial you can pass, you’re probably more of a liability than a boon for a woman.

Understand her.

Single women aren’t just looking for a man-machine that’s programmed to be responsible for half the household bills and chores. They’re looking for a living, breathing, meaningful person to look them in the eyes and see who they are. They want to share their soul with someone who will cherish, nurture and remember them. They want to connect with a lover so completely that they become the Yin to the other’s Yang. In order to get to that point, men need to pay attention to their lover. Analyze them and connect the dots. Learn their wants, fears, hopes, ambitions, traumas, ticks, etc.

This is a win/win for everyone. It’s a joy for a man to explore a wonderful woman, and it’s gratifying to her to be valued enough to be explored. Once two people understand each other, they can operate like one person with four hands. Life experiences that intimate are some of the best memories to look back on in old age. We’re all desperate to have such meaningful, blissful experiences. Women who don’t get that out of her relationship are likely to go looking for it elsewhere, because it’s important, and they deserve it.

A word of warning to men: Very few women want to share their life story on a first, second or third date. Intimacy is earned one day at a time. Be patient, and respect women’s privacy.

Tell her you love her.

What women really hear when a man says, “I love you.” is, “You’re worth being loved. You’re valuable, and your value is recognized. I don’t want anyone but you. I’ll be there for you when you need me. You don’t have to worry. You don’t have to stress. You’re home. You win.” Women want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a man who is committed to her and makes them feel like a goddess. That’s ultimately what they’re looking for.

Improve your beingness.

Old traumas can keep us living in the past mentally, and worries about the future can distract us from living the moment. But life happens in the here and now, and if you’re not present for it, you won’t be able to make the most of it. This is especially true when you’re with another person (and even truer when you’re having sex). To truly experience another person you both need to be able to let go of the past and the future and be in the present together. If you never do that, your mate may start to feel alone even if she never leaves your side.

Improve your sexual technique.

Sexual pleasure isn’t vital for survival. There are plenty of women who are madly in love with men who aren’t that great in bed, which is a shame because sexual technique can be learned. Even if a woman can accept a man who is bad in bed, she’d prefer to not have to, and she shouldn’t have to. It’s mindboggling that men put so much effort into trying to get women in bed, but they don’t put that same level of commitment into what happens next. Women want to be pleasured sexually. So if you want to impress a woman, study how to be good at sex.

Accept her as she is: crazy.

Women and men’s brains work slightly differently. Men tend to think more analytically and goal-oriented. Men gravitate towards mathematics and engineering more than women. When men go shopping, they walk directly to what they need, purchase it and leave. Women tend to think more holistically, nonlinear, and social-minded. Their skill set gives them “women’s intuition,” which helps them understand people better intuitively. Women gravitate to social science careers more than men. When women go shopping they try on lots of clothes and experience them.

Neither way of thinking is inherently better, but feminine thinking can seem insane to men, and masculine thinking can seem insane to women. To men, thinking like a man is the norm. In a woman’s head, thinking like a woman is the norm. So when we see members of the opposite sex acting abnormally relative to our norm, we often perceive the other’s behavior as irrational and insane.

In every relationship, men and women do little things that baffle and annoy the other. To win the war, you’ve got to pick and choose your battles. If a woman does something that seems crazy, but it’s not hurting anyone, let it slide. She doesn’t need to be corrected. She doesn’t need to be fixed. She needs a man who will accept her and not constantly tell her she’s wrong for being herself.

Respect is a two-way street though. If you have to tuck your balls behind your legs and watch Lifetime movies with her every night to keep her happy, you might consider leaving her for someone who will accept and respect your masculinity as much as you accept and respect her femininity.

Also be wary of women who play the “Bridget Jones’ Diary” card too often. Yes, you should accept your lover as they are, but they should be proactively engaged in a lifelong quest for self-growth. If your lover angrily refuses to change and constantly demands dogmatic acceptance, the problem might not be that you’re an insensitive, selfish man. The problem may be that she’s refusing to accept responsibility for her actions. You deserve to be cared about and built up just as much as she does. If she drags you down more than she builds you up then the cost/benefit analysis of staying with her doesn’t add up, and she doesn’t deserve you. Staying with her doesn’t make you a noble lover. It makes you a willing victim.

https://youtu.be/xDf0WJPqLE4

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October 2, 2017

Tips On Impressing Men Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

By wise sloth

TL;DR: If you want to make a man attracted to you, then fill his needs.

 

EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY IS THE BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MEN WANT

 

Men typically aren’t looking for a tall, dark and handsome woman to hold him in her strong arms at night and be a successful breadwinner who his frenemies will be jealous of. What men are looking for is a woman who will be their caretaker and copilot through their lifelong quest to find themselves and provide for their family. The reason men are looking for that kind of woman is because she compliments the demands society places on men, and evolution has programmed men’s brains to understand this even if they don’t consciously understand it themselves.

Men and women’s entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Everyone’s brain is hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision-making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.

We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

 

 

Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as five fronts in man’s battle against the world. The more a woman can assist him in each of those battles, the more valuable and thus attractive of a life partner she’ll be… and the more he’ll want to fight for her.

 

THE 1ST FRONT: SURVIVAL PSYCHOLOGY

 

Life is a battle for survival. You can lose every other battle in life and keep going, but not the battle for survival. When you show a man you can give birth to healthy babies and help him and his offspring survive and thrive, you give him a reason to want you in his life. He might not think in those terms, but the instinctual evolutionary ghosts inside his head do. He might even have inflexible reasons for staying single and childless, but if you send the right signals to the ghosts in his head, they’ll put rose-colored glasses over his eyes. He might not change his entire life for you, but a part of him will be attracted to you.

 

Be attractive (in all 5 senses).

Evolution wants us to copulate with the healthiest mate in order to produce the healthiest offspring. So subconsciously we associate indicators of good health with attractiveness. Women are programmed to like big, strong, healthy men who are well groomed, smell nice and dress for success. Men are programmed to be attracted to women with toned skin, vibrant hair, a breast-hip-waist ratio of about 86-61-86 cm, who smell nice and have a soothing voice. Granted, that’s just the middle of the Bell Curve. There are men with fetishes for every conceivable body type, but statistically speaking, women have the highest chance of impressing the most amount of men by being healthy and fit.

You could argue that men should blindly accept women for who they are regardless of their body type, and there’s truth to that statement. There’s also truth to the statement that everyone should be striving to be healthy for their own sake anyway. It’s also true that an unhealthy lifestyle leads to health problems, and your problems become your family’s problems. If you choose to burden your family with unnecessary problems then you’re a liability to them. Men might not fully realize or care about that, but Mother Nature does, and she generally tries to steer men towards healthier members of the dating pool. That’s not petty. It’s practical. Even if it’s unfair, that’s life.

 

Be willing and eager to pleasure him sexually.

It’s the least profound thing in the world to say that men want to have sex. 99% of the male population masturbates because 99% of the male population is effectively addicted to sex. 99% of the male population is searching for a woman who wants to have sex with him. So, after looking sexy, the quickest, most effective way a woman can make a man more attracted to her is to have quality sex with him.

This doesn’t mean that men will automatically commit to and love a woman after she’s had sex with him. Nor does it mean that women should rush into having sex or let every guy they sleep with give them “ass to mouth.” Sex is a major life decision for a woman, and the decision belongs to her completely. She doesn’t owe her body to any man for any reason.

I’m just pointing out that sex is as important to men as success is to women, and if you give someone what they want then they’ll want to be around you more often. Men want sexual pleasure. So the more sexual pleasure you give them, the happier they’ll be, the more likely they’ll want to be around you and reciprocate the happiness you’ve given them.

The only way for couples to understand their partner’s sexual desires by communicating directly and openly. The more conversations you have about your sexual expectations the more successfully you’ll be able to fill them on mutually agreeable terms.

 

 

Help him succeed, and don’t hold him back.

Life is hard for men. They work their butts off and stress over taking care of their family. It’s a profound relief for a man to find a woman who not only acknowledges and respects the weight he’s under but does whatever is in her power to help him succeed. The easier she makes his life, the more valuable of a mate she becomes. Women should be proactively plotting how to build up their man and help him succeed anyway because when he succeeds, the family succeeds. A woman who complains about everything her man does/doesn’t do and won’t lift a finger to help him is just shooting her lover in the heart and herself in the foot.

 

THE 2ND FRONT: PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY

 

Life isn’t lived when you’re constantly fighting for survival. A man is as grateful for a woman who can foster a sense of safety and harmony in his life as a soldier is grateful for a bunker.

 

Be faithful.

There’s no point in a man fighting for a woman who is just going to leave him. When a woman does cheat on a man, it means everything he fought for was in vain. Not only did he lose, he lost because he was betrayed by the very person he was fighting for. Getting cheated on is one of the most humiliating, emasculating tragedies that could happen to a man. If you want another man, then leave the one you have first, because cheating is as cruel as kicking puppies.

Life is war, and war is a lonely, terrifying place when you can’t trust the soldier next to you. If you can though, your worries will be halved, and the two of you will experience an interpersonal bond that transcends all others.

 

Don’t be a gold digger.

Men work hard to provide for their family, and life is as expensive as it can be. Everything we buy costs as much as possible, and the more vital the product or service, the more overpriced it is. You have to go into a lifetime of debt just to get a college degree that opens entry-level career doors, and most jobs pay as little as possible and offer as few benefits as possible. Mortgages are so overpriced that you have to go into another 30 years of debt to buy a house, and even if you can beat the system and save enough for retirement, all of your savings will be wiped out by astronomical health care bills in old age. Our entire economy is designed to make the rich richer by making the poor poorer.  This is the entire reason why so many people have to work as hard and as fast as they can for 40+ hours per week at jobs they hate making barely enough to survive because workers are fighting a battle that they’ve been set up to fail.

The last thing a man needs in his life is a gold digger wasting the money he paid for in blood, setting him and his family back, making him work longer and harder just to keep up. Men are often happy to give away all their money to the woman they’re infatuated or in love with, but in the end, all the added stress that comes with supporting a wasteful spender will make a man frustrated, anxious and depressed. This will make him unpleasant to live with, and the relationship will probably end in flames.

Considering what a burden it is for a man to support a gold digger, imagine what a relief it is to a man to find out that his date isn’t a gold digger. Now, imagine how grateful he would be to find out that his date, not only isn’t a gold digger, but will actually spend money on him. Men never expect women to spend money on them. They expect to be expected to be women’s slaves. When a man finds a woman who helps him financially more than she costs him, he’ll believe he’s found a keeper.

 

Be there when he needs you.

Pampering a man too much makes a baby out of him and a slave out of you. However, men’s minds and bodies take a lot of hits and go through a lot of wear and tear. So they need regular preventative and corrective maintenance. Most of the time all he needs is a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a hug, and a compliment about his penis. As little positive feedback as men get from life, a massage, blowjob, or home-cooked meal can feel like Christmas to a man. So it should come as no surprise that a man will climb a mountain to be with a woman who is there for him when he needs her.

 

 

THE 3RD FRONT: SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY

 

Impress his family and friends.

Everyone takes their relationships seriously. Women talk to their friends and family about the men in their life all the time, and the opinions of their inner circle hold a lot of sway. Men do the same thing. So if you want a guy to like you, it will only help if his friends and family like you.

Insecure girls may try to cause drama with their man’s family to turn him against them in order to keep him all for herself. This twisted plan is almost guaranteed to backfire. He may choose you over his family for a little while, but eventually, he’s going to look around and wonder why he doesn’t have any friends anymore, and he’s going to realize you’re the problem. If you’re going around tearing families apart then you should be single until you get the therapy you obviously need.

 

Don’t lower a man’s rank in the social hierarchy.

Women are generally more turned on by men in authority than men are by women in authority, and women are more excited by the prospect of dating a popular/famous person than men are. Whether or not a woman raises a man’s social standing is usually a non-issue to him. Men are more concerned with what a woman can do for him behind closed doors. Having said that, there’s a limit to how big of a hit a man will take in his reputation for a woman. Basically, as long as you’re not an offensive, repulsive, stinky mutant you should be okay. So if you want to obsess over how you can go above and beyond to make a man attracted to you, don’t focus on how you can improve his reputation. Focus more on how you can make him smile and lower his stress level.

While most adult males aren’t too concerned with popularity, they are concerned with being respected by the people they regularly interact with. Losing the respect of their peers would devastate their sense of self-worth. There’s not much a woman can do to help a man gain the respect of his peers other than helping him succeed in life in general. Even if you could somehow talk a man’s friends into respecting him more, that’s not a woman’s job, and it’s not necessary anyway. All you have to do is not embarrass and emasculate him in front of people he respects. You’d think that would go without saying, but soon-to-be-single women do it every day.

 

 

THE 4TH FRONT: SELF-ESTEEM

 

Make him feel good and smile.

This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a man smile, the more reasons you give him to keep coming back to you. The less you make him smile, and the more you make him frown, the more reasons you give him to stay away from you. Just generally be a warm compassionate, good person, and your man will probably smile when he’s around you.

 

Boost his confidence.

A man who believes in himself will find a way to overcome any obstacle. A man who doesn’t believe in himself will find a way to screw up every opportunity. Confidence is one of the biggest prerequisites to success. So it should come as no surprise that women find confidence in a man so sexy.

What does come as a surprise is how many women will criticize, insult, and guilt-trip men for failing to live up to their expectations. When a woman lowers a man’s confidence, she reprograms his brain to fail more. When a woman compliments her man out of the blue, praises his success, and reassures him when he fails, she reprograms his brain to succeed more.

Not only is she designing a stronger man to take care of her and her offspring, she’s making him happier. A confident mind is a safe, enjoyable place to live. A self-loathing mind is a horrible place to live. If you give a man a reason to feel better about himself, you give him a reason to come back to you. If you give a man a reason to doubt himself, you give him a reason to recoil from you.

 

Show him you value and appreciate him.

It doesn’t cost anything to say, “You’re special. I care about you. I love you. I appreciate you. You mean the world to me.” When a man hears those words, it validates all the work he’s ever done in his entire life to get where he is today, and it validates all the work he’s put into impressing and catching the woman he’s with. It’s basically telling him, “You win.” Yes, men want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a woman who makes him feel like a winner.

You can tell your man you care about him by saying it with a blowjob, a thoughtful gift, a look, or a kiss. How you express your love is limited only by your imagination, but if you never actually verbally articulate to a man in no uncertain terms that you care about him, he’ll eventually start feeling like a loser. He’ll feel empty and hurt inside and start thinking about leaving you for someone he can win with… which would be tragically ironic if you actually did care about him.

 

THE 5TH FRONT: SELF-ACTUALIZATION

 

When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels.

 

Understand him.

In order to make a man happy, you have to fulfill his wants. You won’t know what he wants until you understand him. Learn everything you can about him until you know him so well you can predict his wants. But as you’re studying him, understand that you’re not just doing it so that you can be a better servant to him. Most men don’t want to spend the rest of their life with a servant. They want to spend the rest of their life with a woman who gets them.

 

Support his interests.

Most men are looking for a woman to devote their life to, but that doesn’t mean the only thing they want to do with the rest of their life is follow you around like a whipped slave, catering to your every need, and obeying your every command. A man is his own person. He has his own goals and interests, and he takes great personal satisfaction out of pursuing his own path.

When a woman shows interest in a man’s hobbies, she shows interest in the man. When she supports the hobby, she supports the man. When she ignores his interests, she ignores him. When she tells him his interests are stupid and a waste of time, she tells him he’s stupid and a waste of time. Thus, she tells him it would be a stupid, waste of time to stay with her.

 

Don’t emasculate him.

Men should respect and support women’s femininity. Men should be patient with women’s differences and compromise their own behavior to accommodate women’s foreign ways. At the very least, men should not urinate on the toilet seat, argue with women, get impatient when women cry, hang posters of Playboy bunnies in the living room, or expect women to love The Expendables as much as they do.

Every woman in the world can agree that it would be a criminal injustice for a man to force a woman to live exactly like a man. Yet it’s not uncommon for women to try to cut off men’s balls and force them to sit down to pee, hold their purse, hold in their farts, dress metrosexual, drive a pastel-colored car, watch Lifetime movie marathons and never do or say anything remotely masculine. A lot of women see this as finding the perfect man and fixing him, like housebreaking a wild animal. In reality, it’s breaking a man down and killing him inside. It’s caging and torturing a noble stallion.

If you cage a man and try to turn him into something he’s not, he’ll look at the moon every night and dream of running away… as well he should. If you celebrate a man for what he is, and nurture his nature, he’ll look at your face every night and thank his lucky stars he found someone so accepting and supportive.

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
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Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

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October 2, 2017

How To Spice Up Your Sex Life Without Getting Too Kinky

By wise sloth

1. Be nicer to each other in general.

If things have cooled down in the bedroom there’s a good chance things have cooled down between you and your lover in general. If you want to rekindle the fire in the bedroom, start by rekindling your love and passion for one another. That passion will naturally pour over into the bedroom, and the sex you do have will be more meaningful.

Even if you don’t currently have any problems in the bedroom, you should still make a conscious effort to be nicer to your lover. Love is a flower that needs to be watered every day to blossom and stay vibrant. So make an extra effort to compliment each other, do nice things for each other and tell each other how much you care about one another.

 

2. Have an open conversation with your lover about your sexual expectations.

If there is anything about your relationship that’s bothering you, then you should have an open conversation with your lover about it. Unresolved complaints only get worse, and the only way they’re going to get resolved is by talking about them. If you can’t talk to your lover then you either need to get couples therapy or break up. If you can talk to your lover then talk to them. Ask them what their sexual expectations are and tell them about yours. Get to know each other’s fantasies, and work out a plan where everyone gets what they want. Improving your sex life can be as simple as that.

 

 

3. Talk erotically during (and not during) sex

If you and your partner are always completely silent during sex other than a few moans and grunts, the least you could do to spice up your sex life is to throw a little dialogue into sex every once in a while. It doesn’t have to be raunchy and corny. If nothing else, say, “Baby, I love you,” once at some point during sex.

Compliment your lover during sex. Tell them how attractive they are. Everyone goes through a lifetime of trouble to look good in order to have sex. It’s very gratifying to have that hard work verbally acknowledged and praised by the person you did all that work for. And when your lover gratifies you by complimenting your sexiness it makes you want to reciprocate the gratification.

Call out your lover’s name during sex. That’s not corny at all. It feels great to have someone scream out your name in ecstatic passion. Give that gift to your lover.

Sex isn’t something that only happens in the bedroom. Tell your lover naughty things in the morning before work and throughout the day. Sext them. Randomly tell them how sexy they are. Tell them how horny they make you. Tell them to spend the rest of the day imagining you fucking them. Describe what you’re going to do to them and leave that thought with them to carry through the day. They’ll have a good day, and you’ll probably both have a good night.

 

4. Vary your sexual positions.

Write the following list of sex positions on a piece of paper, and keep that piece of paper by your bed. Every time you have sex in one of the positions on the list, put a mark next to that position. At the end of a month, you should be able to get a good idea of what you’re doing too much of and not enough of. Adding new positions to your list will only make your sex life spicier.

 

https://youtu.be/yy-iB9XPeeg

 

5. Vary the speed and duration of your sex.

If your sex life happens on Tuesday and Thursdays between 9pm and 10pm, of course your sex life is going to get boring. Write the following list of sexual encounters on a piece of paper and keep it by your bed. Each time you have sex, put a mark next to which kind of sex you had. At the end of a month, you should be able to see what you’re doing too much of and where you have room to spice things up.

  • Quickie
  • Tantric Sex
  • Slow, Passionate Romantic Sex
  • Routine Sex
  • Morning Sex
  • Afternoon Delight
  • Sleeping Sex
  • Wild Romp
  • Fuck Me Like You Don’t Care About My Feelings Sex

 

6. Have more oral sex.

It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re reciprocating great oral sex with someone on a regular basis. If that’s not part of your life then you’re doing it wrong. If you’re really in love you should be reciprocating oral sex anyway, because nothing says, “I love you” more than putting someone’s genitals in your mouth.

 

7. Use toys

Toys aren’t dirty or kinky. They’re not a danger. They’re an opportunity. But if you’re bashful about the idea of using toys in bed, the least you could do is get an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. It’s discreet and nonthreatening looking. And it makes miracles. Most women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone; they need clitoral stimulation. A girl can stimulate her clit easily during sex with an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. That means she can orgasm during sex all the time. That’s not shameful. That’s sex done correctly.

 

https://youtu.be/ggJ6JJmQkyc

 

8. Make videos

Making sex videos is fun to do. It’s fun to watch afterward, and the replays can be very educational and inspirational.

 

9. Change your environment

If the only place you ever have sex is your bedroom then of course sex is going to get boring. If nothing else, rearrange your bedroom every once in a while. Better yet, go have sex somewhere else. If nothing else, fuck in other rooms of your house. Fuck in your car. Get a hotel room and fuck there. Go camping. Find excuses to get out of the house and find new legal places to have sex. You could probably use the change of scenery anyway.

 

10. Wear sexy underwear

You wouldn’t expect your lover to wear expensive, sexy underwear all the time, but if they did you’d love it. They’d love it if you wore sexy underwear all the time. It would turn them on and make them associate you with the idea of sex. Plus, you’ll feel sexier and more confident yourself.

 

11. Sex slave Sunday

Imagine this. Every other Sunday you and your lover take turns being the sex master for the entire day while the other plays the role of the submissive. I’m not saying every other Sunday one of you gets locked in a cage naked and has wet dog food thrown at them through the bars. If your lover offers you a blank sexual check for a day and all you ask for is a blowjob at lunchtime, that’s cool. The important thing is you got what you wanted, and next week you’re going to get to reciprocate the selflessness your lover showed you on your weekend in control. This way nobody goes more than two weeks without getting what they want. If you institute sex slave Sunday, be sure to agree on a safe word.

 

12. Go to therapy

If your sex life sucks and your love life sucks you might consider going to couples therapy. Think of your love life as a child. If your real child gets sick you rush it to the doctor because your child is important to you. If you love child is important to you then take it to the love doctor when it’s sick.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

October 2, 2017

Advice To Female Virgins About Having Sex

By wise sloth

1: Men want sex all the time. This doesn’t make them evil.

Men’s sex drive is generally much stronger than women’s. Men (particularly teens) crave it so badly it hurts. Unfortunately, this means that nature has inflicted a conundrum on you as a woman because denying your boyfriend any sexual relief will likely cause him a great deal of anxiety, and if he has to wait too long to get relief from you he may go looking for it elsewhere. I’m not saying he’s right or you’re wrong. I’m not saying you have to “give it up” to prove that you care about him or that he’s justified in cheating on you if you withhold sex from him. You don’t owe your boyfriend sex. You owe it to yourself to be true to yourself. So don’t have sex until you’re ready. Take care of yourself, and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for.

Just be aware of your boyfriend’s condition so you can understand where he’s coming from. He’s not a creep for wanting to have sex; he’s a human being. Instead of complaining about his urges and silently stone-walling him, communicate openly about your sexual expectations, and encourage him to do the same. If you’re not ready for sex then you may consider just staying single. You may also consider giving him handjobs and blowjobs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. The important thing is for both of you figure out what’s right for you and communicate proactively about it.

If you are at a point in your life and your relationship where you’re ready to have sex, there are a few things you should know about men. Firstly, men weren’t born with a handbook to understanding women. It takes years for men to achieve even a basic understanding of the female mind and body. Don’t expect men to be able to read your mind, and don’t hold it against them if they do something wrong. Don’t be demanding or judgmental. In order to make your first sexual experiences as enjoyable and effective as possible for both of you, you need to do what you can to make each other feel safe and comfortable. If your man doesn’t know how to please you, then instead of resenting him for it, you need to take responsibility for getting what you want/need by training your man how to please you. You don’t have to wait until after you’ve had sex to do this.

 

https://youtu.be/AiqA1oEjULk

 

2: Men aren’t born sexperts. Have realistic expectations, be patient, and don’t judge.

Young men may not understand that most women can’t achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. They may not even know what the clitoris is or where it is. They may not understand what your G-spot is, where it is or how to stimulate it. They may also not understand how important the emotional and contextual aspects of sex are for you. Young men tend to go into their first sexual encounters assuming that women view sex exactly the same as men. Since men are practical, goal-oriented thinkers they tend to view sex as a physical act that revolves around physically stimulating each other until you both achieve orgasm and then the act is over. That’s not to say that men are emotionless machines, but they do have a tendency to not understand that for women, sex is as much (if not more) about the two people involved connecting emotionally and making the most out of the overall experience than simply stimulating each other’s genitals as proficiently as possible until you both orgasm.

Men won’t know these things until they figure it out through trial and error or until someone tells them. So, again, communicate openly with your man about your wants and needs. Also, encourage them to do their own research on the internet other than watching porn videos. If nothing else, share the link to this essay with them.

Also, understand that men feel extreme pressure to succeed at all aspects of life. So there’s a good chance they’ll be obsessing the whole time over everything they’re doing in a desperate attempt to prove their manhood. They do this partly out of a selfish desire to prove their worth to their self, but they judge their success by how much they please you, and they do selflessly want to please you.

In fact, they may be so nervous about pleasing you that their anxiety will cause them to not be able to get an erection. And there’s nothing more terrifying or humiliating to a man than not being able to get an erection during sex. If that happens they’ll experience an avalanche of guilt and embarrassment that they surely won’t be able to get an erection. Then they’ll leave feeling awful, and they’ll regret it the rest of their lives.

As a girl, you know how anxiety can cripple your ability to enjoy sex. Even though some guys can’t wait to get their penis in your vagina, others are just as nervous as you. The more anxiety they feel, the less sexually capable they’ll be. Despite what television may have taught you, all men are not supermen, and most men who come across as supermen are not actually supermen. They’re just really good liars. So don’t expect your man to be a superman. Expect them to be just as human as you. If you want to have the best sexual experience with them then make them feel as comfortable, safe and desired as you want to be. Create a warm, accepting atmosphere for them where they can flourish.

 

3: Men want to do whatever pleases you.

This brings us to the topic of how you can physically please your man when the time comes. Luckily for you, men are easy to please sexually. One simple way to please your man is to just do whatever pleases you. As long as you’re having sex with him and being an active participant and enjoying yourself then he’s probably going to enjoy it too. Truly, the one thing that drives men the craziest during sex is seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting their lover having the time of their life. Almost the only way you can go wrong is by just lying there like a sack of potatoes. Even then, you’ll find that guys often like to take control and all you can do is just hold on for dear life while they ravage you (in a good way). Even when he takes control, you can still participate by moaning and shouting, which you may enjoy doing anyway.

 

4: Try new things on a regular basis.

When you finally find yourself in a long-term sexual relationship you’re going to need to try different things to keep your sex life interesting. That means having sex in different positions and in different places. You can try role playing, talking dirty, incorporating toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. The list goes on forever. You don’t have to do everything, and you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you’re never open to expanding your horizons you will probably bore your man, and you’ll be missing out on adventures yourself. Getting kinky doesn’t make you a disgusting slut. It makes you well-rounded.

 

5: Blowjobs are your best friend.

Blowjobs are your silver bullet. If you can give a great blowjob and you volunteer to give them to your man on a regular basis he will bend over backward for you. If you complain about giving blowjobs, rarely give them to him, and barely put forth an effort when you do, I can guarantee he will complain to his friends about how inattentive you are to his wants/needs. Is that fair? Maybe not, but that’s life. And if you expect him to perform great oral sex on you then you should reciprocate.

If you’re simply refuse to stick your partner’s penis in your mouth for whatever reason, don’t act all disgusted, disappointed, and resentful when your man tries to initiate a blowjob. In doing so, you’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult your lover’s manhood, you may as well literally kick them in his disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to him emotionally.

 

 

6: Don’t fake orgasms.

Don’t fake orgasms. If a man isn’t bringing you to orgasm then tell him how to improve his technique. Faking orgasms just teaches him that whatever he’s doing wrong is what you like best. There may come a day when you’re having sex and you’re not really into and you just want it to end and you decide to fake an orgasm to get him to hurry up and finish. If you’re going to tell a white lie, tell him that you’re sore and that you’ll finish him off with a hand job or blowjob.

 

7: Pornography is not your enemy.

A lot of women feel threatened by their man masturbating to pornography or masturbating at all. This is understandable but ultimately unfounded. Like I said earlier, men have voracious sexual appetites, so much so that you may not want to have sex every single time they do. So they’re going to masturbate. 99% of men do masturbate, and it’s not because they don’t want you or they want someone else. They just want to masturbate. If it brings them any amount of happiness then you should want that for them.

 

8: Pee after sex.

If you don’t use the bathroom within a few minutes after sex you highly increase your odds of getting a urinary tract infection, especially if you have sex in one of the deeper penetrating positions such as the folded lawn chair.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

October 2, 2017

Advice To Male Virgins About Having Sex

By wise sloth

1: Get her in the mood.

Sometimes women may act like they’re not interested in sex at all, but make no mistake, they’re humans who were born with primal sexual urges. They want sex. They fantasize about it; they wait for it, and they look for it. But they’re not as likely as men to run out and find the first person who will get naked for them because they don’t want to be a slut, and they’re looking to get more out of sex than just physical stimulation. They want a total mind/body/life experience. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes girls just want to get laid, but as a general rule, the point of having sex is the overall emotional connection and experience, not just the physical build up to orgasm.

The circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter are as important as what you do during sex. If you’re going to put a mountain of effort into pleasing a woman’s body the right way then put that much effort into looking nice, picking a romantic environment, complimenting them, making them feel safe and showing them that you genuinely care about them as a person. If you want to be a great lover then you need to view all of these factors as much of a part of the act of having sex as touching a woman’s body. If you can do that then you won’t have to beg and coerce them into having sex because they’ll want to have sex with you.

Having said all that, there are certain things you can/should to do physically please a woman, and I’m about to talk about those things, but as you read them, be aware that infused with all of these steps/techniques is the importance of the emotional connection and the total life experience.

Firstly, men can go from a completely unaroused state to being ready to have penetrating sex in as little as one minute. Women generally require a minimum of ten minutes, but that’s the bare minimum. In order to give a woman the most fulfilling sexual experience possible and the most intense orgasm possible, you should spend an evening romancing them before your clothes ever come off. Once they do, you should be mindful of the fact that she may have insecurities about her body and be feeling anxiety about sharing her most sacred of gifts with you. So don’t rush to the penetration stage of sex. Compliment her naked body. Tell her she’s wonderful and that the experience you’re sharing is meaningful.

If you want to go the Full Monty then give her a slow, erotic massage. It will relax her mind and body. The less anxiety her mind feels the more her body will allow her to experience an orgasm. And the longer you build up her sexual desire the stronger her orgasm will be. Even without giving a full body massage, you can still take time to kiss and caress her body. There’s no single, correct list of steps you need to memorize to pleasure a woman physically. The important thing is that you tune into the connection between you and your partner and go with the flow. When that happens the rest is just details.

Having said that though, it is important to be fluid in your movements. Think of sex like a dance. Fluid, graceful movements are better than herky-jerky movements. Also, every woman has their own erogenous spots on their body that turn them on when you kiss, nibble and touch them there. Explore your woman’s body to find hers. Even though every girl is different, there’s a good chance that nibbling, kissing and caressing one of the following spots will drive her crazy: her earlobe, the back of her neck, her nipples, and her inner thighs.

 

 

2: Start slow and ease your way in.

When it does finally come time to slide your penis into her vagina, know that even if she doesn’t feel tight to you, she may be so tight that penetration will hurt her. You can loosen her up a little by fingering her gently first. You can also insert the tip of your penis in and out teasingly and slowly penetrate her gradually. Not only will this help her loosen up, but it will help her body acclimate to being penetrated making her yearn to have you deeper instead of shocking her by having a foreign object unceremoniously jammed into her.

Even after you achieve full penetration, start out slowly. Consider just leaving your penis inside of her for thirty seconds while she gets used to you, and then begin with slow, fluid thrusts. But if all you ever do are slow, romantic thrusts you’ll likely bore her. You’ll want to gradually increase the speed of your thrusts. There’s no single correct technique to exactly how you should thrust. It depends on the girl and the mood. I will say this, you’ll want to be gentle if you’re taking a girl’s virginity, but sometimes girls just want to have the bejeezus fucked out of them. Sometimes they want you to just rail into them like you don’t care about their feelings. If you never, ever do that she’ll be disappointed. But even on those occasions, you’ll still need to start out slow and loosen her up first.

 

3: Use different positions.

There’s also no single correct sexual position. They’re all wonderful in their own way, and they should all be explored. However, there are a few positions that allow the man to rub the base of his pelvis against a woman’s clit during intercourse increasing the chance she can achieve orgasm during sex. You can do this in the missionary position, but you have to make a conscious effort to swivel your hip up so that your pelvis makes contact with the clitoris. Depending on the shape/size of your bodies you may be able to make good clitoral contact by modifying the missionary position so that the girl lays flat on her back with her legs together and the guy straddles his knees on the outside of her legs and dips his penis down between the top of her thighs into her vagina. Another good position is the cowgirl, which is where the man lays flat on his back and the girl straddles him. Girls often like this position because they control what they feel, and they can rub their clit on your pelvis as they like. You can also lay behind her in the spooning position and reach around her and stimulate her clit with your hand. Or she can stimulate her clit with her own hand or a toy.

 

 

4: Stimulate the clitoris.

The one place that every girl wants/needs to be stimulated is on her clitoris. 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Feel free to go down on a girl and give her an orgasm before you even start having sex. If you can’t bring her to climax during sex then at least she’ll have had an orgasm, but know that her clitoris will be too sensitive after orgasm to jump right into sex. You’ll need to cuddle for a few minutes and let her cool down before penetrating her.

 

Diagram showing the location of the clitoris

 

5: Stimulate the G-spot.

Another factor to consider when choosing your sex position is how well it allows you stimulate the G-spot, which is found on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. The trick is to find a position that angles your penis so that it hits the roof of the vagina. You can do this in the missionary position if you elevate the girls’ hips high enough by resting her ass on a large pillow or lifting her ass in the air with your hands. That can be very effective because it allows you to push and pull her body with your hands as you thrust with your hips. The cowgirl is another position that lends itself to G-spot stimulation. One of the best positions for this is the folded lawn chair, which allows you to make deep, penetrating thrusts. You can also hit the G-spot in the doggy style position if you thrust/press downwards. That’s also a good position for when it’s time to hard-fuck her like you’re never going to see her again.

 

Diagram showing the location of the G-spot on the roof of the vagina canal, just past the pubic bone

 

6: Don’t try to last for hours.

You may think that women want penis-in-vagina sex to last as long as possible since you want to have your penis in their vagina as long as possible, but remember, to women sex is the total experience and not just what happens after your penis enters her. There are times when women want to go for a marathon session, but as a general rule, their vagina will start to hurt after 7-10 minutes of pounding. After 15-20 minutes they’re likely to start thinking about shopping lists while waiting for you to finish. After 30 minutes they’ll be praying for you to finish. So as a general rule, make your foreplay count and don’t worry about lasting more than 10 minutes.

 

7: Stimulate her mind and body after intercourse.

Whenever you finally achieve orgasm, remember that sex for a woman is a total mind/body/life experience. So the sexual experience doesn’t end the moment you achieve orgasm. If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet you still need to give it to her by stimulating her clitoris with your hand, tongue or toy. Even after that, you still need to put the metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake. Hold her in your arms and cuddle. Maybe whisper sweet platitudes in her ear. Kiss her, caress her and show her that she’s more than just a fuck doll to you and that you care about her and the total experience.

 

8: Be respectfully rough in bed.

I’ve put so much emphasis on how important the emotional aspect of sex is to women that what I’m about to say next may seem contradictory and counter-intuitive. Even among women who act like a-sexual porcelain, Disney princesses … there is a tendency for many women to enjoy taking the submissive role during sex and want to be dominated by their sexual partner. Not all girls enjoy this, and those who do may not always want to be dominated every time they have sex or to the same extent each time it happens. Sometimes some girls just like you to take charge. Sometimes they want you to blindfold them and pin them to the bed. Sometimes they want you to slap them in the face and call them a dirty slut. Find out what your girl likes by talking to her, not by trial and error.

You might think, “My girl wears high heels, evening dresses and goes to church or feminist meetings. So there’s no way she would want to be manhandled and made to feel small during sex.” There’s logic behind your point of view, and you may be right, but let me just leave you with a few reasons why your girl may still want to be dominated sexually every once in a while at least.

First, society pressures women to hide their sexuality even though it burns like a fire underneath their good girl facade. After stressing over living this lie for so long, sometimes it feels good to just let go. Not only is being naughty erotic, but by acting the way they aren’t supposed to, they conquer the taboo they’ve been running from.

This doesn’t mean girls want to go out and get treated like a piece of meat by someone who has no respect for them because that would mean they actually are a dirty slut. If a girl can have aggressive, submissive sex with a loving partner in the safety of their shared nest then they enjoy the experience of letting go in a safe, meaningful way that doesn’t actually make them a dirty slut. When you have dangerous sex with a girl who knows you can break her physically and emotionally but you don’t, it shows her that she can feel safe in your arms and in your presence. And even if you have her pinned to the bed, and she can’t move she still has the power to stop you with a single word at any moment, which means you’re not really in control; she’s in control. That means she gets to enjoy the eroticism of being dominated while also enjoying the power of being in control. And make no mistake, being dominated is genuinely erotic. Society just pounds it into men’s heads that we always have to be the alpha male and nothing is more degrading than submitting to someone else’s control. So we tend to view submission as disgraceful to the point that we may not even want to inflict that disgrace on anyone else, which as a general rule is good, but that rule doesn’t always apply in the bedroom. Submission and domination don’t always have to be about social statuses and gender equality. Another legitimate reason why girls like to be submissive in the bedroom is because they want you to be happy, and it drives them wild to see you go wild. At the same time, sometimes girls like to be submissive for a more selfish reason. As you’re madly pounding away at them from behind they’re quietly taking credit for being sexy enough to drive a big, strong beast like you out of your mind. Again, that’s them being in control, and it’s genuinely enjoyable.

So, after you’ve been with a girl for awhile, have a few conversations about submission and domination. Find out what her fantasies are, and explore them at a speed both of you are comfortable with. Agree on a safe word, and respect each other’s boundaries. And after you finish having dominating sex, make an extra effort to be kind and comforting during the afterglow phase to show her that you truly do respect her.

 

9: Sex toys aren’t your competition. They’re your opportunity.

On a final note, I want to take a moment to talk about dildos and vibrators. A lot of men are intimidated and offended by sex toys because they’re afraid that if their significant other uses a gigantic vibrating toy they’ll get spoiled on it and won’t be satisfied with their man’s penis anymore. Plus, men don’t like the idea of any dick (real or plastic) invading their territory. These fears are understandable but ultimately unfounded.

Remember that sex for a woman is as much (if not more) about the emotional connection between the two people involved. A piece of plastic can never replace a flesh and blood man who can love them and ravage their entire body during intercourse. Also, women have a right to have their vagina filled up with a massive plastic dong every once in a while. It’s not your place to tell them they don’t have that right. And you should want them to be happy. If they get any joy from getting off with a toy every once in a while then you should want that for them. At any rate, you’re almost certainly going to masturbate without them at some point. So don’t be a hypocrite.

The issue of sex toys shouldn’t involve accusations and defenses anyway. Sex toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity. If you incorporate them into your sex life you open up a whole new world of possibilities. Probably the greatest advantage of using vibrators during sex is that you can stimulate your girl’s clitoris while you have penis-in-vagina sex, which will greatly increase the odds of her having an orgasm during sex. When that happens she won’t be thinking, “This toy got me off.” She’ll be thinking, “I got off with my lover while we used a toy.” See what happened there? The toy does all the work, and you get all the credit. With a little practice, you can greatly increase the odds of being able to achieve orgasm simultaneously, and that is a truly magical thing. The best toy to use to stimulate her clit during sex isn’t a big cock-shaped vibrator. You’ll have better luck with a small, variable-speed bullet/egg-shaped clitoral stimulator.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
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Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Relationship Advice

October 2, 2017

Should Transsexuals Be Allowed In The Military?

By wise sloth

Note: I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. My job code was 3C0X1 (Communications computer systems operator). My highest rank was E-5 (Staff Sergeant), and I received an honorable discharge.

On July 26, 2017, president Trump Tweeted, “After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you.” The typos are Trump’s, not mine.

 

Tweets by Donald Trump on July 26, 2017: "After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Governmetn will not accept or allow... Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming... victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you."

 

This is a bold, historic decision on a philosophically profound topic that is going to cause a lot of heated arguments, and most of them will overlook the nuance of all the issues involved.

For starters, how can we have an academic discussion about this, when Donald Trump didn’t make his decision based on rigorous academic analysis? He just thought it would make his supporters happy and keep his opponents distracted while he does even more absurd things. It’s sad that Trump made America have this conversation in this way and that Fox News is going to continue to frame the debate in an impossibly unproductive way.

To make things more confusing, both sides are both a little bit right and a little bit wrong, but the biggest problems caused by having transsexuals in the military, exist because of deeper rooted flaws in America’s government and military. So splitting hairs over this issue distracts attention from the real problem more than it achieves social justice.

Trump and his generals were wrong to ban any man who wants to rock a pixie cut, but they were correct that the logistical cost/benefit analysis of paying for transgender soldiers’ treatments, doesn’t add up. There are valid reasons why this is inhumane, but the purpose of the military is to kill people.

It’s easier to become an officer with a degree in engineering than psychology because officers aren’t there to worry about their subordinate’s journey to self-actualization. An officer’s job is to calculate risks, formulate plans and be as emotionless as possible while sending their troops to their deaths.

The military already treats troops in ways that violate the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and America’s own employee protection laws. The military views and treats its troops like disposable numbers, not human beings. So getting your snowflake print panties in a twist over it being unfair that the military isn’t sensitive to the needs of transsexuals, is like being offended that an indifferent, sin-eating death machine didn’t invite you to its birthday party.

If you’re just now getting angry that the military doesn’t care about people’s feelings, then you must be too privileged and sheltered to have ever seen the reality of war or how the U.S. military works.

If you’re going to be pissed about how the military treats the troops, focus that anger towards the fact that the Uniform Code of Military Justice strips troops of their basic human rights and the military operates exactly like a cult with a Colonial caste system.

Regardless of whether my description of the military is true, and even if it is and could be fixed, war is still a battle of resources, and every decision requires a cost/benefit analysis of how to spend money. Troops cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to train and equip.

On top of that, troops have access to 100% nationalized healthcare. All of their essential medical needs are completely free, and the more they get hurt on the job, the more free healthcare they’ll receive after leaving the military. You can even qualify for a medical discharge with free healthcare for life, for certain non-service-related medical problems.

Under this system, any transsexual who joins the military would be automatically guaranteed free healthcare for life. As expensive as sex changes are, it would be stupid for every transsexual to not try to get an administrative job in the Air Force at a stateside base.

The military budget is already so large it’s bankrupting the country. This is not the time to lower entry standards to accommodate anyone who is more expensive to provide medical care to.

Troops are a massive financial investment, which makes them a liability to the bottom line of the war effort. This is why you have to go undergo a full medical physical before enlisting. The cost/benefit analysis of accepting people with high health risks doesn’t add up.

This is why people with flat feet aren’t allowed to enlist. Nobody has ever protested about that blatant instance of discrimination because everyone collectively shrugged their shoulders and said, “Yeah, people who can’t walk long distances probably wouldn’t make good long distance walkers.”

If you’d ever been to a war zone, you wouldn’t think you’re helping transsexuals by opening that “opportunity” to them. War is the most stressful experience a human being can go through. It’s so profoundly difficult, recruits have to be mentally broken and psychologically reprogrammed to accept the absurdity of their actions. Even then, or because of it, the suicide rate of veterans is above average.

The suicide rate of transsexuals is already higher than normal as well. The worst place in the world for them to successfully transition their mind and body, is in a war zone, where they’ll be struggling to hold onto their humanity under the stress of constant fear and loss, and living in a totalitarian cult that views them as a disposable liability.

Fighting to get transsexuals in the military isn’t doing cis gender troops any favors either. Every soldier needs to be as clear-headed and focused as possible. Nobody on the battlefield should be on any kind of pill or injection that alters their mind and mood. When failure is not an option, it would be irresponsible to everyone, to allow a transitioning transgender to fight. Keeping them out of harm’s way would be the most humane thing to do for them and everyone else.

I would have supported Trump if he said that, but he’s obviously an opportunistic bigot who would throw his own mother under a bus if it got a cheer from a crowd. He did raise an interesting point he didn’t realize though. If the best military strategy is to minimize the expense of troops, then it would be more efficient if women were either not allowed in the military, or served on segregated bases.

 

"Of course segregation of the sexes is unethical... but maybe if you want to win wars, you have to do unethical things."

 

Females’ medical costs and risks are higher than men. And they have the option to separate from the military when they have a child. If every member of the military had that option, it would make warfare impossible and defeat the purpose of the dishonorable discharge, since everyone would have a legitimate way to get out of the military in nine months.

Plus, women are physically weaker than men. Female troops have lower fitness and grooming standards than men, which means taxpayers are spending more money to put weaker, more vulnerable soldiers on the battlefield who can quit with a year’s notice at any time.

Yes, women have proven themselves more than capable in combat, but if we look at women as numbers, you could put more men on the battlefield for less money with less risk of having to take them out for medical issues. From that point of view, the cost/benefit analysis of having female soldiers doesn’t add up.

So if we’re going to ban transsexuals from serving because of the high cost, the logic follows that we should do the same to women. If we accept the higher cost and liability of female soldiers, then why not transsexuals?

It was completely unnecessary for Trump to ban transsexuals from serving in any capacity in the military. Every base has hotels that are staffed by civilian contractors, who don’t get free medical care. To deny transsexuals the opportunity to change pillow cases at Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota, is cut-and-dry Jim Crow-style oppression.

We wouldn’t be going down this moral rabbit hole at all if every single American civilian had the same access to healthcare as the troops, Congress, and the president. Unfortunately, that solution would be too expensive under America’s current health care system, in which insurance companies have inflated medical costs beyond affordability.

However, if the American government passed regulations making healthcare less expensive instead of less attainable, we could easily afford to cover everyone’s medical needs by nationalizing the healthcare industry completely or by rationing a set amount of free care each year. Then cost wouldn’t be a barrier to transsexuals, or anyone else with medical conditions, serving in the military.

Another reason we can’t afford to provide taxpayers with unlimited access to health care is because we’re spending so much money on the military to wage perpetual war in the most financially inefficient way possible. America’s industrial war complex is a cash cow bloated with fraud, waste, and abuse.

If you’re worried about how much money it costs to send a transsexual soldier to a war zone, you would be mortified to learn how much it costs to send a healthy civilian contractor. Transsexuals are the least of the military’s budget problems. It’s losing money through a sieve everywhere it has boots on the ground.

The biggest money trails lead to the blue-chip defense companies like Raytheon, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics and Northrop Grumman. So if you’re truly passionate about saving military money and lives, then you should be screaming to get defense money out of politics.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Military Mind Control
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Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Military Oppression

September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In The Cowgirl Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE COWGIRL POSITION?

The cowgirl position is, “a group of sex positions in which the man lies on his back or sits. The woman straddles him facing either forward or backward, and the man inserts his erect penis into the woman’s vagina or anus.”

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE COWGIRL POSITION?

The biggest advantage of the cowgirl position is that it can angle the penis perfectly to hit the g-spot or penetrate the vagina deeply. The woman also has complete control of how she moves her body. So she’s in the perfect position to hit all her favorite spots exactly how she wants. In particular, it gives the woman control to rub her clitoris against the man’s abdomen, which gives her the power to give herself an orgasm during PIV sex. This is also a great position for pregnant women who can’t have a man lying on top of them.

There are a lot of slight variations you can make to the cowgirl position that can all be very effective at pleasuring women in different ways. The trick is picking the right variation for the moment. Since there are so many options, it behooves women to communicate openly with their partner about what they want, and it behooves men to listen.

As much potential as this position has to pleasure a woman, young men should not assume shy virgins would want to begin their first sexual experience on top. She may not know what to do and be nervous about being exposed and in control. If she feels more comfortable being guided through sex until she’s more experienced, consider starting with the missionary position, and put off experimenting with the cowgirl position until later.

The cowgirl position is a great choice when a woman wants to pleasure a man because it lets him lie on his back and relax while the woman does most of the work. It’s also emotionally gratifying for a man to see a woman actually put enthusiasm and effort into pleasing him. It makes him feel good, and it makes the woman look good to him.

WHAT DO YOU DO BEFORE PENETRATION?

Sex begins when the intimacy starts, not when penetration happens. When you have less than 10 minutes of foreplay before penetration, you’re having a quickie, and a lifetime of quickies is unfulfilling, especially for women. Foreplay isn’t a daunting task you have to complete. It’s an opportunity to experience your partner, pleasure them and build sexual tension so that your orgasms are more intense.

There’s not much foreplay a guy can instigate while lying on his back. The woman can straddle his face and let him eat her out, which is fun and worth doing now and then. But sitting on a guy’s face is a novelty position and is best used to tease and warm up a woman’s sexual organs before penetration. If your goal is to give a girl an orgasm through cunnilingus, you’d have better luck laying her on her back where she can relax and focus entirely on the pleasure between her legs.

The man lying on his back is perfect for going down on a guy or giving him hand jobs though, which is convenient if the man is having a difficult time getting an erection. The woman can lay him on his back, go down on him and jump on top before he loses his erection. He’ll be able to relax and focus on the pleasure, and he won’t have to deal with the potential frustration of putting the condom on or guiding his penis into the woman’s vagina. This will further reduce the chances of him losing his erection. Regardless of what position you’re in, if your man is having difficulty getting an erection because he’s nervous, try using slow, soothing, passionate movements as you kiss him and caress his body and cock. Don’t be aggressive, demanding or condescending.

When a man is lying on his back, the woman can kneel or lay between his legs and blow him from there or she can straddle him in the 69 position. From the 69 position, she can also move both knees to one side of the man’s head so that he’s not looking up at her crotch. All of these positions can work just as well for giving a blowjob. It depends entirely on what both partners are comfortable with. Find what works for you, but remember to vary your routine every once and a while to spice up your sex life.

The 69 position is fun, but since both partners can’t fully concentrate on what they’re doing or experiencing, it’s difficult for either partner to achieve orgasm. It’s still possible, and it’ll be rewarding, but the 69 position is mainly a novelty position best used for a short time to warm each other up prior to getting down to business.

The cowgirl position can be emotionally and physically stimulating without putting anyone’s genitals in anyone’s mouths. The woman can straddle the man and lean forward over his chest for an intimate make-out session. The man can and should use his hands to caress, grab, squeeze, pinch and tickle the woman’s body. This is also a convenient time for the man to grab a wide tract of the woman’s hair on the back of her skull as close to the roots as possible and pull her hair back.

The woman won’t have access to as much surface area of the man’s body to touch, but what she can do, she should. But the best part of straddling the man is that she can rub her pussy lips up and down the base of the man’s erect penis. This feels great for both partners, and if you angle your bodies correctly, the woman can rub her clit up and down the man’s penis, which will feel very good to the woman, and if she does it long enough, could give her an orgasm.

No matter what you’re doing during foreplay, it will almost always be improved by a little sexy talk. The trick to sexy talk isn’t to try to spout impromptu poetry. Just compliment your partner from the heart, and tell them how they make you feel. The goal isn’t to impress them with your prose. The goal is to make them feel important.

TYPES OF COWGIRL POSITIONS

1: Perpendicular Kneeling

This is the classic cowgirl position. The woman kneels over the man’s groin and inserts his penis into her vagina. From this position, she can start out slow and ease her way into sex. She can hop, grind, swivel, twerk, and wave. It’s a great all-around position.

2: Perpendicular Squatting

Instead of kneeling, the woman can plant her feet down and squat onto the penis while holding her body straight up or leaning forward. This can feel reasonably good for both partners since the angle guides the penis straight up the vagina. However, can be tiring and awkward for the woman to keep her balance. The man can help by holding the woman’s butt up with his hands or thighs, but that may not be effective if the woman is big and the man is small. Anyone sexually liberated enough to use ropes and bars to hold onto during sex can really make the most of this position.

3: Leaning Back

If the woman starts in the kneeling or squatting position, she can lean back and rest her hands by the man’s thighs. The man can also help support her weight with his hands and thighs. This can be awkward and tiring for the woman, and it can bend the man’s penis painfully towards his feet. At the right angle, it can feel good for both partners, but the high cost and low payout of this position make it more of a novelty position.

4: Woman Leaning Forward

From the kneeling position, the woman can lean forward. This is an intimate position because both partners can embrace, caress and kiss each other. It angles the penis directly into the vagina, which feels good for both partners at any speed. Both partners can thrust, and it’s a little less tiring for women than sitting straight up. This is a good all-around position.

5: Man Sitting Up

If the man puts a cushion behind himself, he can prop his back up, and the woman can mount him while he’s in a sitting position. This makes it easier for both partners to kiss and caress each other, but it can limit how much the can thrust (especially if he is small and his partner is big). The man is in a perfect position to lift the woman’s ass with his hands, and the woman is in a perfect position to bounce and grind. It also angles the penis for deep penetration. This can be a very effective position for both partners. If you haven’t tried this position, you’re missing out.

6: Reverse Cowgirl Perpendicular

When the woman is kneeling over the man’s groin looking towards his head, she can turn around and mount him with her face pointing towards his feet. She thrusts against the penis by leaning her body forward towards the man’s feet and then dropping her ass backward towards his groin. This makes it precariously easy to bend the man’s penis down painfully towards his feet. It also angles the woman’s body so that she’s slamming her butt straight towards the man’s balls. Despite the dangers, this position has a lot of potential, and some people absolutely swear by it, but it’s certainly one of the more advanced sex positions.

7: Reverse Cowgirl Crabwise

In this position, the woman plants her hands and feet on the ground/bed with her face pointing towards the ceiling while the man lies underneath her looking up at the back of her head. She thrusts by lowering her body towards the man’s feet and then pushing her body back upwards towards the man’s head. This position can be tiring and awkward for the woman to maintain. The man can help by supporting her with his hands and thighs, but a small man won’t be able to hold a large woman for very long. This position can be made much easier if the woman has bars or ropes to hold onto. This can be a very pleasurable position, but it’s definitely another advanced technique. This position can be very rewarding for both partners if they can maintain it.

8: Reverse Cowgirl Squatting

The woman plants her feet on the ground/bed and squats down over the man’s penis while facing towards his feet. It can be difficult for the woman to keep her balance, but the man can support her ass with his hands, and she can lean forward to rest her hands on his knees. This is a position where ropes or bars to hold onto would really help.

This position can angle the penis away from the G-spot, but it also lends to deep penetration and hard thrusts from both partners. This is probably the most advanced of the cowgirl positions. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t let it stop you from trying again sometime.

9: Reverse Cowgirl Leaning Back

From the reverse cowgirl position, the woman can lean back until her back touches the man’s chest. A woman needs to be very flexible to hold this position when her knees still on the ground/bed. Most likely, she’ll be more comfortable laying her legs out flat in the same way as the man. If she plants her feet next to the man’s thighs and bends her knees, she can stabilize her balance better and use her legs to thrust and writhe a little. The man will be able to kiss, nibble, lick and bite the woman’s shoulders, neck, ears, and face. He will also be able to wrap his arms completely around the woman to caress her, play with her breasts and possibly even stimulate her clit. This is an intimate, sensual position at any speed. It has a lot of potential for men and women, but it takes both partners working together.

https://youtu.be/HVQCBTyRJBM

WHAT SPEED DO YOU THRUST?

1: Slow

As a general rule, it’s always best to start out PIV sex slowly to give the woman’s vagina time to relax, expand and moisten. Starting any position too fast is likely to be immediately painful for the woman and leave her sore for potentially days afterward. This shouldn’t be much of a problem in the cowgirl position since the woman is in the dominant position and can control the speed. However, the man can take control away from the woman and thrust upwards at the speed he wants at any time. Men should resist the urge to take control away from a woman while she’s on top. Even though she may not be moving as fast as the man wants, she’s probably doing what feels best to her. The man is not going to impress her by taking that away from her.

2: Medium

A steady, rhythmic, medium pace is almost always great for both partners in any position. Though the tendency in sex is to get so worked up you can’t wait for the grand finale, it’s usually best to resist the urge to rush to the end. After you’ve had enough slow sex to loosen and moisten the vagina, stick with a medium pace for a while. It will make the sex last a little longer and give you both better orgasms. When both partners thrust in unison at a medium pace, the results are spectacular.

3: Fast

As both partners get closer to orgasm, harder, faster thrusts usually feel better. Though, men tend to enjoy very fast thrusts more than women, while women generally prefer harder thrusts to faster ones. When it comes time for fast and hard thrusts in the cowgirl position, there’s only so much the woman can do since she’s pushing her hips downwards and backward. The man can actually thrust faster and harder from below. So, if speed is what you’re going for, it may be best to let the man take control and do most of the thrusting while the woman holds on for dear life. Fast/hard sex is also a great time for the man to pull the woman’s hair and/or talk really dirty to her.

HOW DO YOU THRUST?

1: Hopping up and down

When the woman hops up and down on the man’s penis, it feels good for both partners. If both partners put a little muscle into it, you can get some hard, slamming connections. The downside is that it can be tiring for the woman, and it doesn’t stimulate her clit. So she is unlikely to achieve an orgasm from it.

When the woman is hopping up and down, the man can hold his legs together, which gives the woman the most freedom, or, he can spread lift his knees and lean them outward like a butterfly. This makes it easier for the man to thrust, and the woman can hold onto his knees for support. However, it takes some control away from the woman and limits her freedom to choose her own angle.

Women, when you’re jumping up and down on a man’s penis (especially when you’re doing it fast and hard), be mindful of his balls. You may be crushing them between his legs, especially when he has his thighs completely pressed together.

2: Swiveling Hips

When the woman swivels her hips, she can tilt her man’s penis so that it hits 360’s of her vaginal tunnel. This can be pleasurable, and it’s a good way to loosen the vagina to prepare for harder, faster penetration. This is a physically and mentally stimulating experience for men. It demonstrates to him that his woman is virile and giving. It’s playful and enticing. It’s usually never a bad idea to throw in a few hip swivels in during cowgirl sex sessions. Just know that this is a “cherry on the top” kind of move. It’s tiring and unlikely to do enough for either partner to bring them to orgasm. This technique is best used during the first few minutes after penetration and intermittently afterward just to spice things up.

3: Grinding

Most women can’t have an orgasm through PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. More than any other sexual position, most woman probably have the best chance of achieving an orgasm during PIV sex (without using a toy) while grinding in the cowgirl position. The cowgirl gives the woman the opportunity to rub her clit on the man’s abdomen and have his cock deep inside of her, and she has complete control of speed and pressure… especially if the man puts his legs together.

If ever there was a time during sex when a man should verbally ask the woman what she wants him to do, this would be it. But really, mostly what the man needs to do is lay there and let the woman pleasure herself.

What the woman is doing will feel good to the man, and he can orgasm from it, but left to his own devices he’d probably choose something with more thrusting. This technique has very little thrusting to it, since the point is to keep the clit pressed against the man’s abdomen. There are plenty of other positions that are more suited to pleasure men, and men get to experience those all the time while the girl waits patiently for him to finish. Sometimes it’s the man’s turn to take one for the team, and if he wants to be a great lover, he should want to do that. So, men, be patient and let your woman do her thing.

4: Twerking

Twerking can be tiring. So it’s not something women should plan to do for a long time. It does feel good for both partners though, and it demonstrates virility and kindness on the woman’s part. Like hip-swiveling, this a “cherry on top” move that is welcome in almost any cowgirl sex session, at least for a few moments.

5: The Wave

The woman can make long, flowing, gliding, arching thrusts with her hips, fucking her man in a wavy motion. The woman feels her partner’s penis inside her from different angles, which means the man also feels the vagina from different angles. This is an incredibly sensual, intimate move at any speed. It gets more difficult the faster you do it, but at slow-to-medium speeds, it’s not particularly tiring. So it can be done for a long time. This move feels better for men than woman. Men have more of a chance of achieving orgasm from the wave, but with a little deliberation, the woman can rub her clit against the man’s abdomen as she swings her hips forward. If that’s not enough to get her off, she can always switch to the grinding technique at any time to heighten her pleasure momentarily or to finish herself off.

6: Letting Him do the Work

Sometimes it’s nice for the woman to kneel over her man and let him do all the work, thrusting up. This can be very tiring for the man if the woman rests her entire body weight on his groin, but if she can support some of her own weight, the man should be able to thrust upwards for quite a while.

Some men are used to doing all the work. So when the girl gets on top he still won’t give her control. He thinks he’s being a giving lover, but he’s really taking away the woman’s opportunity to pleasure herself, and he’s missing out on the opportunity to pleasure his lover without hardly doing any work. Men should think long and hard about if/when they should commandeer full control of the cowgirl position. There’s no one right answer, but if the woman hasn’t had a chance to do her thing yet, think about letting her.

When a man (especially a sexually inexperienced man) is close to orgasm, he sometimes loses control of his mind and body and feels compelled to thrust as fast and hard as he can. Sometimes this is extremely pleasurable for women. Her vagina enjoys deep, passionate thrusts, and her psyche is overwhelmed by being overpowered by a raging sex bull. Sometimes her vagina is sore, and her psyche is underwhelmed by the fact that she’s on a ride she’s not enjoying but can’t get off. Men need to pay attention to their women and be mindful of the state of their vagina. If a man is going to lose control and start acting like a jackrabbit on steroids, he should at least accentuate the experience with hair pulling, dirty talk, love talk, groping, kissing and/or moaning so the experience is more passionate and less clinical for the woman.

WHAT KIND OF TOYS CAN YOU USE?

1: Restraints

The cowgirl family of positions are perfect for tying a man to the bed. There’s a different flavor of fun in tying only his hands, only his feet or all of his extremities at the same time. He can also be blindfolded and gagged. All of these techniques will heighten his senses and give the woman the satisfaction of being in control.

Women who want to dominate and be dominated at the same time can still have their hands tied behind their backs and be blindfolded. Their legs can be tied down to the bed as well. Both partners can even be tied to each other. The number of ways you can use restraints in the cowgirl position is limited only by your imagination.

2: Cushions

Putting a pillow or wedge-shaped cushion under the man’s ass will angle his penis more towards his face. Depending on which variation of the cowgirl position you’re using, this can change the depth the penis penetrates the vagina and how well it hits the G-spot. Try every variation with and without a pillow or cushion to see what works best for you.

3: Clitoral Stimulator

It’s hard for either the man or woman to hold a pocket rocket or bullet/egg clitoral stimulator on the clit in most of the cowgirl positions since her groin is usually slamming down on the man’s abdomen. Even when she’s grinding, the device is likely to get dislodged. The best chances you have of using a clitoral stimulator may be for the man takes control of the thrusting while the woman holds the device where she wants it.

4: Vibrating Cock Ring

One of the few instances where a vibrating cock ring is actually useful is when the woman grinds the man in the cowgirl position. This gives her snug clitoral stimulation and deep PIV penetration at the same time. This is the perfect combination in theory, but I’ve never found a cock ring ergonomically designed well enough to fulfill this position/combo’s full potential in practice.

5: Dildos/Vibrators

With all the flopping around, it can be easier to stimulate the clit with a long vibrator than a tiny egg/bullet shaped clit stimulator. The downside to using a vibrator to stimulate the clit while bouncing up and down is it’s hard to hold in place. With enough practice and determination, you can successfully incorporate vibrators into the cowgirl position, but that’s advanced technique.

6: Butt Plug

Either partner can wear a butt plug during cowgirl sex. Use lots and lots of lube, and be sure to buy a plug with a wide base; never stick anything in anyone’s anus that could potentially get sucked all the way in. If you practice safe anal play, it will heighten the experience for both partners.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

Sex positions and techniques
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Dating Advice
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Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

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September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In The Missionary Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE MISSIONARY POSITION?

 

The missionary position is, “a sex position usually denoting the act in which a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her while they face each other and engage in sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.”

 

Line illustration of a man and a woman in the missionary position: She is laying on her back, and he is laying over her, with his torso and groin pressed against hers

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE MISSIONARY POSITION?

 

The missionary position is possibly the easiest position to have sex in. It’s emotionally intimate and easy to get into. It also offers are lot of options for spicing things up. It’s basically the default sex position. If you’re not sure which position to use, the missionary always a safe, reliable position. However, if it’s the only one you ever use, then eventually you’ll start to bore your partner.

 

VARIATIONS OF THE MISSIONARY POSITION

 

The dictionary definition of “missionary position” has the man lying face down on top of a woman who is lying on her back, but that position is easily modified to achieve a whole family of spin-off positions that should be explored. You can and should use several of these variations during a single sex session.

 

1: Face to face

Laying on top of a naked woman, face to face is a great way to start out a sex session. It’s intimate, and your penis can slide into her vagina at an easy angle. However, this position has two downsides. First, since your penis is sliding straight into her vagina you’re probably not going to hit her G-spot… unless you tilt her pelvis upwards by placing a cushion under her ass and consciously angling your thrusts upwards.

Regardless of where you’re aiming your penis, when you’re laying on top of a woman with your chest pressed to her you’re not going to be able to thrust as hard or fast as you could if you were in a kneeling position. You can still fuck a girl pretty hard in this position, and girls really enjoy it (physically and emotionally) when you wrap your big, strong arms around them and hold them firmly to your bosom while fucking them as hard and fast as you can. However, when your partner wants to be power-fucked, there are other variations of the missionary position that are more tailored to that goal.

 

2: Man kneeling

In the kneeling position you have more room to thrust, and you can draw on more muscles. Plus, you can grab your partner’s legs or waist and pull them towards you as you thrust. This isn’t the most intimate position, but it’s perfect for hard-hitting sex.  It also works well for medium-paced sex as well, especially because it uses your major muscle groups, which means it’s relatively easy to maintain your pace without wearing yourself out.

You have a pretty good chance of being able to hit the G-spot with your penis when lying flat on top of a woman if she has a cushion under her ass. But when you put a cushion under her ass and fuck her from the kneeling position, your penis will be angled perfectly to hit the G-spot with as much force as she can take and you can give. If you don’t have a cushion, you can lift her ass with your hands, which can be exhausting (depending on how strong you are and how heavy she is), but if you can cradle her lower torso in your hands you’ll have complete control to man-handle her and slam her body into your incoming power thrusts. Most women can’t have an orgasm from PIV sex without clitoral stimulation most of the time, but this is a good position to beat the odds in.

 

3: Knees to chest

When you’re in the kneeling missionary position, your partner’s legs are usually spread so her thighs are pressed against your hips. If she brings her knees to her chest so she’s laying on her back in the fetal position, then she can put her feet on your chest. You can lean against her feet and slide your cock into her fully exposed vagina. This isn’t the most relaxing position for either partner, but it’s worth doing for the benefits it offers.

This position angles the vagina slightly upward, which means when the penis enters horizontally it’s probably going to hit the roof of the vagina, which is where the G-spot is. And since her legs are completely out of your way, you press your pelvis against hers as far as possible, which means your penis will penetrate her as deeply as possible. This is great for men with short penises. And it’s a good go-to position whenever a girl wants a nice, deep dicking. You can fuck a girl pretty hard from this position, especially if you grab her ass or legs and pull her into your thrusts. However, the upward-tilted angle of her vagina makes it easy for your penis to slip out of, especially when you’re fucking wildly.

 

4: Ankles over shoulders

From the kneeling position, take hold of your partner’s ankles and rest them on your shoulders. This is one of the least intimate, least lady-like and most awkward-looking variations of the missionary position. If you’ve never had sex, this position could appear off-putting. I wouldn’t advise taking a girl’s virginity in this position, but it definitely has benefits that you and your partner should know about.

It’s easier to achieve the deepest thrusts when a girl’s feet are on your chest than when they’re over your shoulder, but it’s easier to thrust your hips and pull her legs towards you when her feet are over your shoulder. So what you lose in depth you can make up for in force.

You can have the best of both worlds though if you put your partner’s ankles over your shoulders and lean forward until you’re almost face to face with her.  This is called “the folding deck chair” position, and while it definitely looks unladylike, it’s very lady friendly. This position lets your penis penetrate her even deeper than having her feet on your chest. Plus, you can hold onto her torso, stretch out your legs and fuck her really hard. If you’re on a bouncy bed you can even bounce up and down and let gravity do half the work for you. If a girl ever tells you she wants you to fuck her until she breaks, this would be a good position to give it to her from.

 

5: Side twist

Kneel between your partner’s legs with her ankles on your shoulders. Then take both of her ankles and hold them together. Then lower both of her ankles to one of your hips. Then scoot forward and penetrate her while both her legs are hinged around one side of your body.  This position gives you decent room to maneuver, but the angle doesn’t allow you to really hit the G-spot or go as deep as other variations of the missionary position. Plus, it’s not very intimate. Use this position when you’re bored and want to do something different, but don’t do it very long, because it’ll likely get boring pretty quick, at least for your partner.

 

6: Her legs together

In all the variations of the missionary position discussed here, the man is between the woman’s legs. However, you can close her legs so that she’s laying like a plank. Then you mount her and lay down face to face with her. If your penis is long enough, you can slide your penis between her legs and into her vagina. You won’t be able to penetrate her very deeply, but the top of your shaft will slide over clit as you enter her… again and again. You won’t be able to fuck very hard in this position, but it has a good potential to give a girl an orgasm… if your bodies are compatible enough to pull off this position effectively.

 

 

 

HOW FAST SHOULD YOU THRUST?

 

The pros and cons of using different speeds are listed below:

 

1: Slow

Most sexual encounters should begin with slow thrusts for the woman’s comfort and safety. Sometimes it’s nice to have PIV sex slow from start to finish. It’s passionate, meaningful and respectful. A male virgin who was raised on Disney movies to believe all women are a-sexual porcelain princesses could develop the idea that women want slow, romantic sex most of the time. This would be incorrect. Sometimes women want their vagina caressed like delicate flowers, and sometimes they want to be fucked into the mattress so hard the bed breaks. Both of those techniques are at extreme ends of a spectrum. The ideal speed to use most of the time is probably somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.

 

2: Medium

After fucking a woman slowly for a few minutes her mind and body will be ready and hungry for harder, faster thrusts. Chances are, you will be too. Everybody gets what they want if you speed your thrusts up to a medium pace.

If you were raised in a culture where fast service and fast results are valued, you could develop the idea that faster is always better. This isn’t always the case with sex. Fast thrusts can be good. They can be great, but don’t underestimate the value of medium paced thrusts.

Women get to experience the full sensation of your penis when you thrust at a medium pace. When you thrust too fast they can lose sensation sometimes. Imagine getting a really, really fast hand job; all you’d feel is friction. Now imagine getting a hand job that started really fast, then stopped, then went slow, then fast, then slow, then fast, then stopped again. You’d be wishing your partner would just stick with a nice medium pace.

Hard fucking has its time and place, but if you’re not experienced, and you want to use the technique with the highest statistical probably of giving a girl an orgasm, then start by fucking her slow, spend most of your time fucking her at a medium pace, and speed up right at the end.

Just be aware that most women can’t orgasm from PIV sex alone. For the best statistical odds of giving a woman an orgasm during PIV sex, you need to stimulate her clit. Tips on that later.

There’s one last semi-selfish reason to have sex at a medium pace: it conserves your energy.  If you start out fucking a girl as fast and hard as possible, you might wear yourself out and have no choice but we wheeze and struggle through the final critical minutes of sex. That’ll negatively affect your ability to give your partner an orgasm. A good, medium pace feels rocking good for girls, and it’s manageable for guys. Take advantage of that.

 

3: Fast

It’s unfair to call medium-paced sex “vanilla sex.” It’s a good standard speed for good reasons, but any technique used too often will become boring. When you start out a sexual encounter going slow, then speed up to a medium pace and finish fast you cover all your bases. The question is, what percentage of the time should you go fast? A conservative range is the last 10-40% of a sexual encounter, but again, there’s a time and place for everything.

When a woman is close to orgasm (and especially while she’s orgasming), you can give her a more intense orgasm by speeding up your thrusts. But if you try to improve her orgasm with hard, fast strokes you could throw her off her rhythm or you could be wrong, and she actually needs a lot more stimulation. In that case, you might wear yourself out trying to maintain your pace or you might wear her out too early as well. If you have to slow down you will ruin her rhythm.

Fucking fast can be risky, but there’s a way to minimize your risk. If you can tell your partner is close to cumming or just hungry for you to take it up a notch, consider making your thrusts harder instead of faster. You’d be surprised how hard of a pounding a vagina can take and be euphoric for the girl. They feel it deep inside their vagina and all over the outside. It gives her more of what she wants and leaves the option open for you to go faster later.

 

4: Jackrabbit fast

As mentioned earlier, women usually don’t find it emotionally or physically pleasing when you lose control and fuck them like a jackrabbit. If you’re going to lose control then fuck them with reckless abandon, then fuck them like a raging gladiator, not a delirious Pomeranian.

 

5: Press and hold

Put your penis all the way into her vagina and hold it for a few seconds and gyrate your hips. This will help her vagina acclimate to your penis even more, and it feels intimate. This is the best speed to start most sex sessions because it lets the woman’s vagina acclimate to your size. Once she’s comfortable, you can go slow. Keep escalating your speed as she acclimates to each stage. Avoid the temptation to constantly stop what you’re doing and press-and-hold again. Once she’s revved up, stopping suddenly kills her momentum towards having an orgasm.

There’s a modality of sex called tantric sex, where you leave your penis held in the vagina the entire sex session. You should try it, but talk with your partner first and plan it.

 

6: Irregular

Sometimes it’s fun to spice up a sexual encounter by constantly changing up the speed of your thrusts, but that technique is a novelty, not standard practice, because, again, frequently changing paces is more likely to throw off your partner’s rhythm than build her up. Having said that, it can be beneficial to change your pace up a little during the first few minutes of sex following the initial penetration. During that “meet and greet” stage, spicing things up can help stoke your partner’s passion, loosen her vagina and communicate you’re your passion for her. Once she’s really wet or looking at you hungrily, abandon the novelty technique and get down to business.

Having said that, it can be effective to thrust slowly for a little bit and then go fast. Then go slow for a little bit. Then go fast. When done fluidly, the contrast between sensations can heighten the experience for women.

 

WHERE DO YOU THRUST?

 

1: Aim for the G-spot

The G-spot is located on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. When you’re in the missionary position, you can stick the tip of your penis into the vagina, and as you slide your penis in, push up with your knees or feet so that the top of your shaft presses against the roof of the vagina. This could hit the G-spot, but not necessarily. If you want to know if your technique is working for sure, ask your partner.

You can increase your odds of hitting the G-spot in the missionary position by lifting your partner’s ass up using your hands or a cushion. When you thrust inside of her, don’t aim your shaft so that it goes straight into her. Aim the tip of your penis head to hit the roof of her vagina just past the opening. You’ll likely find it easiest to do this when you’re kneeling and your posture is upright, as opposed to laying your chest flat against hers. You can use this technique at any stage of sex. Just be sure to do it slowly if you do it at the beginning of a sexual encounter, and do it faster if you’re doing it closer to climax.

 

2: Aim for the clit

The clit is a mole-sized bump located on the outside of a woman’s body a few centimeters above the opening of her vagina. You can’t hit that with your penis when you’re fucking a woman in any position since your penis is inside her, and her clit is on the external surface of her body. However, if you slide your penis all the way into your partner’s vagina you can sometimes rub the clit with the skin where the shaft of your cock meets your abdomen.

Different body types have different levels of compatibility. Ask your partner if this technique works for her. If it doesn’t, move on. This technique has the best chance of working if both partners have shaved their pubic hair and lubricated their smooth skin, but shaving your pubes to the skin usually causes razor bumps (which aren’t sexy), and your pubes might be spikey for the next few days after shaving, and no girl wants spikes jabbing into their sensitive skin.

You can also improve your chances of stimulating the clit by wearing a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator. Whether or not you use a vibrating cock ring, your pelvis will have to be pressed against her clit for a long time to give her an orgasm. This means you can’t pull your penis out of her vagina far enough to fuck her hard. So this technique is best suited to warm a girl up during the slow stage of sex or finishing her off after a hard fucking.

 

3: Straight forward

There are novel ways to stimulate a woman’s vagina, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes a girl likes a good old fashioned fuck. You don’t have to worry about boring women with straight forward thrusts, and if your goal is to fuck her hard and fast, you’re going to have to use a simple thrust anyway. When you use this technique, play to its strengths.

 

4: Stirring

The vagina is a biological sex organ that responds to physical and emotional stimuli. The more you stimulate it the closer it will bring a woman to orgasm. Pumping your penis into her like the head of an oil drill is a good way to hit her deep, hard and fast, but it can feel impersonal and miss a lot of sexual nerve endings inside and outside the vagina.

You can hit more nerve endings and add another level of interaction and intimacy to the missionary position by gyrating your hips like dancing like Elvis or using a hula hoop. This changes the trajectory of your penis throughout the course of a single thrust so your penis hits the vagina walls from different angles. There’s not an exact science to gyrating your hips during sex. Just make sure they’re fluid and you should be fine. This technique takes a lot of muscles and is difficult to do with a lot of force or for a long time. You can finish a girl off with this technique, but it’s best suited during the slow-to-medium paced stages of sex when you’re warming your partner’s vagina up.

 

5: All the way in, all the way out

Sticking your penis all the way into the vagina and all the way out is pleasurable for men and women, and it can be used effectively during any stage of sex. However, it always comes with the risk of drying out your partner’s vagina. So if this is the first technique you use after initially penetrating a woman’s vagina (when she’s not very loose or wet) you could dry her out and stretch her too abruptly. If you use this during wild, pounding sex you might dry her out while ramming your shaft through her with a lot of force. That’s a recipe for disaster. By all means, use this technique when you and your partner want to experience full-bodied strokes. Just don’t do it for very long… unless she’s a gusher or you’re using reliable lube.

 

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In the Doggy Style Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

The “doggy style” position is, “any sex position in which a person bends over, crouches on all fours (usually on hands and knees), or lies on their stomach, for sexual intercourse.”

 

Line-drawing of a man and woman in the doggy style position: The woman is on her hands and knees, and the man is standing behind her, with his ground against her butt

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

This position is best suited for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex. The penis enters the vagina at an angle that’s comfortable for the woman, and it gives the man a lot of room to thrust, which makes it ideal for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex.

If you begin a sex session with fast, hard sex, you’re likely to hurt your partner, because vaginas need time and stimulation to get wet and loose. It’s best to start in an intimate position like the missionary position and switch to doggy style later.

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO BEFORE PENETRATION?

 

Even though the doggy style position can look pretty carnal, you can set a sweet, tantalizing tone using techniques like these:

  • Tell her how beautiful she is, what she means to you and how much she turns you on.
  • Lightly kiss and caress your partner’s erogenous zones such as her pussy, nipples, inner thighs, neck, ass and back.
  • Kneel behind her and pull her torso tight against yours. Then squeeze and caress her body while nibbling her ears and neck and whispering compliments in her ear. Slide your hand down her abdomen and stimulate her clitoris with your finger or a vibrator while slowly pumping your cock inside her.
  • Kneel behind her, then lean her forward, and lean your chest down over her back. Then graze her pussy with your dick while you play with her tits, bite her shoulders and pull her hair.

If you want to set a more BDSM tone, you can use techniques like these:

  • Lightly spank her and/or whip her.
  • Kneel behind her, and pull her hair by grabbing a large tuft as close to the roots as possible (that will make it hurt less). Then grind your crotch into her ass and tell her erotic things about how she deserves to be treated and how you’re going to treat her during sex. If this sounds confusing, have a conversation with your partner over dinner and ask what kind of things they may like to hear during both romantic and submissive sex.
  • Use smooth but forceful and aggressive body movements. Push her body down and pull her into you wildly. Hold onto her hips or shoulders. Squeeze her nipples. Flip her around into other positions and then bring her back to doggy style.
  • Kneel in front of her and lightly face-fuck her.

 

TYPES OF DOGGY STYLE POSITIONS

 

1: Traditional

The basic doggy style position has the girl on her hands and knees. If you start out in this position, don’t be surprised if the girl lays her torso down instead of holding herself up on her arms. Lying halfway down like this is simply more comfortable and doesn’t affect what you’re doing behind her. Whether she’s on her hands or chest, this position works great for pounding sex.

 

2: Froggy Style

Instead of kneeling behind your girl, thrusting your cock straight into her, you can push yourself up into a half-kneeling, half-standing position and lean forward over her back. From this position, your penis will be angled downward. So when you thrust into your partner, your penis could hit her G-spot. This can be very pleasurable for women, but it’s very strenuous on the man’s leg muscles. If you can’t hold this position for long, consider saving it until the last few minutes of sex.

 

3: Woman leaned back

When you’re kneeling behind your woman, and she is on all fours, pull her torso towards your chest so you’re both kneeling. Then slide your penis inside of her vagina. You won’t be able to get your penis in as deep as in the traditional doggy style position. However, if you aim your thrusts low you may be able to hit the G-spot. That could pay off well, but this position is a little awkward for both people to hold, especially the woman who has to hold herself upright while you pound into her from behind/below. This is an intimate way to embrace a woman. So do it enough to show her you care and then let her lay back down where she can relax and focus her mind on the pleasure you’re giving her.

 

4: Standing

Instead of having the woman down on all fours, have her stand up and either lean against the wall or over a desk, couch or counter. This way you can draw on the full power of your legs to fuck your partner as hard as physically possible.

Fucking a girl against the wall is great for impromptu, carefree sex. However, the idea is usually more erotic than the reality. Women tend to want to lean over when being fucked from behind. If they lean too low against the wall and you’re pounding them with all the force your legs can muster, you’re likely to ram their head into the wall. They’ll be more comfortable if you lean them over the back of a couch. That will also have cushions to pad their abdomen. If you lean a girl over a table and ram into them full force, you could bruise their abdomen against the table… unless you put a cushion there.

 

5: Girl on her stomach

Have a girl lay on her stomach with her legs together. Then lie on top of her and enter her vagina from behind. If you want to be intimate, lay your chest flat on her back when your penis is inside her. If you want to give harder thrusts, then kneel over her ass and enter her vagina. Either way, be careful not to enter her anus… unless she’s into that.

If you put a pillow under her hips and lay your chest on her back, then when you thrust downward your penis could hit her G-spot same as in the froggy style. However, where froggy style is the most exhausting variation of doggy style, this is the least physically demanding. If your partner has a cushy butt, this position will feel even better for you. This position feels great for slow, medium or fast sex. It’s also great for irregular speed and hip-swiveling thrusts. You can really get playful in this position. Wrap your arms around your girl, pin her, whisper in her ears, bite her neck and pull her hair. You could even give a girl an erotic back massage while penetrating her. One downside to this position is that you can’t drive your penis as hard or deep as you could in tradition doggy style. Another problem is that it limits how well you can use toys to stimulate the clit. For those reasons, this position is best suited for the beginning or middle of a sexual session, not the grand finale.

 

https://youtu.be/IFGYds68vE0

HOW DO YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each angle.

1: Straight forward

You don’t have to get artistic with your thrusts in the doggy style position. It’s perfectly okay to just pump your hips straight forward. If you want to use a more advanced technique, just pound straight forward harder. You’d be amazed how much women enjoy a good, hard straight forward pounding in the doggy style position. If you want to fixate on your technique, then fixate on your breathing technique so you can hammer away on your partner’s yearning pussy longer.

 

2: Pressing low

You may have to sacrifice some speed and force to do this, but if you thrust in a way that the base of your cock presses against the vaginal canal you can stimulate the G-spot. Combining G-spot stimulation and deep, hard, fast penetration is a recipe for great sex. If the girl stimulates her own clitoris using her fingers or a toy while you fuck her this way, she’ll have a very good chance of having an orgasm.

 

3: Stirring

You can swivel your hips a little to angle your penis to hit the sides of the vaginal canal. However, this doesn’t work as well in the doggy style position as it does in the missionary position. You can do a little of this to be playful at first, but it’ll get boring quickly. As a general rule, don’t try to get too creative in this position. It’s just not suited for it.

 

WHAT SPEED SHOULD YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each thrusting speed.

1: Slow

You should always begin PIV sex slowly to allow your partner’s vagina time to lubricate and expand. While doggy style isn’t a very intimate position to start a sex session in, it does create a perfect angle for the penis to enter the vagina comfortably. So it can be a good position to begin with if tightness is a problem.

However, slow doggy style sex tends to get boring quickly since there’s so little interaction between the two people. So if you’re going to have slow doggy style sex, make up for the lack of intimacy by telling your partner sexy things and by groping them as much as you can.

Another way to make slow doggy style more exciting is by thrusting harder (assuming the vagina is already loose enough for hard penetration). Using slow, hard thrusts in conjunction with pulling a woman’s hair and telling her how hard she deserves/needs/will be fucked will make a woman feel safe, overpowered and eager for more all at the same time.

 

2: Medium

You can rarely go wrong with a good medium pace in any position. It feels good. It lasts longer than fast sex, and it builds stronger orgasms. Once you get a rhythmic, medium pace going for a while you’ll eventually want to take it up a notch. Instead of taking it up a notch by thrusting faster, try staying at a medium pace while thrusting harder. This gives your partner’s vagina more stimulation without numbing it from rapid friction.

 

3: Fast

Doggy style can be fun at any pace, but the position lends itself best to hard, fast sex for obvious reasons. As mentioned earlier, the vagina is angled perfectly to be penetrated by the penis, which means the penis can enter the vagina comfortably for the woman. It also means that the penis can penetrate the vagina as deeply as possible. At the same time, you can thrust into her as hard and fast as your body is capable while also holding onto her hips and pulling her into you as hard as you can. The physical intensity of fast, hard doggy style sex accentuates the erotic nature of the woman’s exposed, trusting position. Those two factors combined add up to great sex. And on those occasions when a girl doesn’t care about the context of sex and just wants to get fucked until she can’t remember her burdens, this position will allow you to give her that experience.

 

WHAT KIND OF SEX TOYS CAN YOU USE IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

1: Restraints

The doggy style position already puts the woman in an exposed position. The erotic nature of offering her body to you can be accentuated by tying her hands together or to something in front of her (like the headboard). You can also tie her feet together, but unless you’re getting really kinky, don’t tie her hands to her feet or she won’t be able to move at all. You can also put a blindfold or mouth gag on her.

Restraining a woman when she’s already exposed and helpless increases the trust she places in her partner, which increases the intimacy and meaning of the experience. And on the occasions when she wants to be fucked without regard for social etiquette, the restraints add an extra layer of delicious naughtiness.

 

2: Buttplug

If your woman wants to experiment with anal play for the first time, you should have PIV sex in the doggy style position while inserting a butt plug in her ass. This way she can experience a pleasurable deep vaginal fucking while experiencing anal penetration for the first time. She doesn’t have to see, touch or help put the butt plug in. So even though she’s already consented to it happening, it’s out of sight and out of mind until it happens. Anal beads work well also.

 

3: Clitoral stimulator

Most women can’t have an orgasm by PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. The three things that stimulate the clitoris best are tongues, fingers, and mechanical clitoral stimulators. Anytime you can use one of these to stimulate the clit during PIV sex you’re setting the stage for a female orgasm.

It would be impractical for the man to reach around his partner during doggy style sex to stimulate her clitoris with his fingers or a toy. The exception is when the woman is leaning back, but that’s an awkward position to hold for a long time, and you won’t be able to thrust very hard since you’ll have to control what your hand is doing in front of/below your partner. However, the woman can use one hand (if she’s on all fours) or both hands (if her torso is lying flat on the bed) to stimulate her own clitoris. If she’s willing to do this she can have mind-blowing clitoral stimulation and deep, fast pounding PIV sex at the same time. If she’s using a butt plug as well, she stands to have an orgasm that could take days to recover from.

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU SPANK A GIRL’S BUTT?

 

Inevitably, you’ll be tempted to spank a woman’s upturned, bare ass before or during sex. Here’s what you need to know about that. Most girls enjoy a little spanking as long as it’s in the right context. The physical act of spanking is exciting and pleasurable, but the most erotic aspect of spanking is the trust exercise between the giver and the receiver. The idea is that the receiver can trust you to administer small doses of pain without causing too much pain or disregard for their feelings. You create that context by kindly caressing her ass, and showing her you care about her. Then spank her lightly, caress, spank, caress, repeat. Give her a few spanks, and if she responds well, spank her a little more. If she doesn’t seem to be getting much out of it, move on. Always finish a spanking session with kind caressing, and the more pain you inflict on your partner, the more aftercare you should give her.

You may be apprehensive about spanking a woman. You might be worried she’s not that kinky, and you’re not cool enough to administer a spanking without looking corny. The only time that’s likely to happen is if you’re you start a sex session in the doggy style position with a nervous woman you’ve never slept with before, and you spank her weakly and awkwardly. The safest time to administer a spanking is after you’re halfway through a sex session, and you’re both really hot, excited and losing control. Once a woman is already into having her body rocked, then one or two confident smacks in the ass can accentuate the submissive nature of the doggy style position. It will stimulate her body and communicate to her that she’s being fucked by a wild, confident man who she can trust to the point of allowing him to administer light amounts of pain to her safely. That’s sexy.

 

 

SHOULD YOU GO DOWN ON A GIRL IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

Most women find it difficult to have an orgasm while kneeling on all-fours because they’re too distracted by the chore of balancing on all fours to focus on their orgasm. It’s not impossible, but it’s much, much easier for them to have an orgasm while they’re laying on their back relaxing. A little cunnilingus always feels good, but don’t linger at in in the doggy style position. Stimulate her and move on to the pounding she’s waiting for.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
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Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

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September 29, 2017

How To Be Bad At Sex: 17 Common Misconceptions and Mistakes To Avoid

By wise sloth

1: Contribute very little during sex.

Good sex isn’t something one person does to another. When one person does all the work, they’re just using the other person’s body as a masturbation device. That can be fun sometimes, but it becomes unfulfilling very quickly. Good sex is like tango. It’s a dance between two people who read each other’s body language and work in tandem to express and explore a shared emotional experience.

Good lovers use everything they’ve got to engage their partner fully. Bad lovers don’t instigate sex, and when they allow sex to happen, they lay there like a sack of potatoes and grunt like a lazy cat when their partner tries to instigate a new position. Nobody wants to have sex with a groaning sack of cat potatoes.

 

Picture of a burlap sack full of potatoes that all have meowing cat faces

 

2: Contribute very little outside of sex.

Bad lovers think of sex as beginning when an orifice is penetrated. Good lovers think of sex as everything that happens after clothes start coming off. Great lovers think of sex as the total sum of their relationship with their partner.

Every interaction you have with your partner at any point in time is a chance for you to give or deny them pleasure. Every compliment, every gift, every touch, every look is just as important as what happens during physical sex. If you can give your partner an orgasm every time you have sex, but you withhold affection the rest of the time, that makes you bad at sex.

 

3: Always be in control.

There’s a lot to be said for taking charge and knowing what you’re doing. Your sexual skills may be world class, and your partner may love to be dominated, but there’s something valuable lost in perpetual one-sided sex. You don’t get to experience the fullness of the other person, and they don’t get to experience giving their self to you. Again, you may both agree that you’re good at what you do, but in the bigger picture, you’re only half good at what you do.

 

4: Withhold sex.

I said earlier, what you do outside the bedroom to pleasure your partner is just as important as what happens inside the bedroom. Well, what happens in the bedroom is important. Making love to your lover is the most intimate way you can express your love to them. By cutting off sex, you’re cutting off love.

You may have a perfectly good excuse for not wanting to have sex. You may have had a traumatic experience in your past, or a lifetime of not being loved has left you hollow, but if the obstacle is mental, and you claim to love your partner, then go see a therapist. If you can’t express your love through sex then express your love through getting help and mending the scars that are keeping you apart.

If you have a medical issue that prevents you from having sex with your partner, get as close to sex as you can without putting yourself at risk of danger. As long as the shared emotional experience is there, you’ve succeeded at sex.

But people who simply withhold sex because they have an agenda are terrible at sex, love and domestic partnership.

 

5: Don’t create ambiance.

Sex is more than just the penetration of an orifice. Sex is a total mind/body experience. Every touch, every word, every intention, every detail is part of the experience… including the physical environment.

A bad lover leaves dirty clothes lying all over the room and never changes the sheets. A good lover keeps the house clean, lights scented candles and wears nice underwear. A great lover takes their partner to a bed and breakfast in the mountains with a private outdoor hot tub, two bottles of champagne and a basket of strawberries.

 

6: Don’t get your partner in the mood

Men typically don’t take much inspiration to get in the mood to have sex, but women’s bodies need to be primed to crave more stimulation. Quickies are great every once in a while, but the less often you put in the effort to get her in the mood, the more rushed and obligatory sex with you will feel.

 

 

7: Don’t pay attention to your partner.

In order to please your partner sexually, you need to find out what they want and then give it to them. That sounds simple enough, but every single human has different sexual preferences and needs. Each individual has different wants and needs at different times. They even change over the course of a single sexual session, and no two sessions are exactly the same. So if you want to pleasure your partner, it’s imperative that you pay attention to them. Watch them until you can predict what they want before they even want it. Then fuck them like you can read their mind. Then you’ll be a great lover.

 

8: Don’t communicate during sex.

You don’t have to be able to read your partner’s mind to know what they want. You can just ask them right there in the moment during sex. It doesn’t have to be awkward. You can ask in a sexy tone of voice, and even if your execution isn’t perfect, nobody is going to resent you for asking what they want and then giving it to them.

Likewise, you don’t have to wait for your partner to ask you what you want. If you want something, you can just open your mouth and say it. Your partner is already trying to please you. The easier you make their job, the happier they’ll be. You’d be surprised what you can get if you just ask.

There’s more to talk about during sex than just instructions and directions. See, everybody is born lost and lonely. We’re all just trying to make the most out of the brief time we have in this cold, savage world. Everybody yearns to be loved, wanted, appreciated, comforted, valued, and maybe even worshiped a little. We all want to know we matter, and sex gives us that positive feedback we so rarely get from the outside world. Sex without words is music without a song. You don’t have to spout poetry though. Just speak from the heart, and simply tell your partner a few of the wonderful compliments they’ve been waiting since childhood to hear.

Words are just one way to communicate. You can also use moans, shouts, groans and body language. Use your eyes, lips, hips, and fingertips to communicate your passion for your partner. When they do something right, let them know by moaning and writhing. Then you won’t have to have as many instructional conversations during sex.

 

9: Don’t communicate about sex outside of sex.

Your partner will appreciate you asking for their input during sex, but nobody wants to play “20 questions” every time they have sex. You can speed up the process of learning your partner’s likes and dislikes by asking them at the dinner table for example. Pro Tip: It may help to get a bottle of wine in them to loosen their tongue before asking them to confess their naughty fantasies. Even without alcohol, you can learn things about your partner you would never have guessed in a thousand years simply by asking them. Then, you can come to bed prepared to rock your partner’s world.

It’s like the old saying goes, “Proper preparation prevents poor performance.”

 

10: Be impatient and judgemental.

Sex is a celebration of two people’s lives. It’s a distilled embodiment of everything good in reality. You’ll never give or receive the best sex possible if you measure the value of another human being by what they can do for you because what you’re doing isn’t even sex. You’re just feeding on a host.

Even without getting philosophical about what “real sex” is, you’re going to degrade the quality of sex by being impatient and judgmental simply because you’re going to frustrate, embarrass, and discourage your partner with your negativity. That’s going to put them in a bad place mentally, which will degrade the quality of their sexual performance. If you had just not been whiny, and taken the time to compliment and coax them and build them up instead of tearing them down, they would have pounced on you like a berserk sex lion and shook you all night long like AC/DC instead of stuttering through the rest of your sex session like Charlie Brown.

 

11: Don’t do foreplay.

Sometimes you don’t have time for foreplay. Sometimes you and your partner are just so horny you can’t wait another minute for penetration. Rushed sex has its time and place. However, if you almost never engage in foreplay before sex, you’re not making the most out of sex for several reasons.

First, it generally takes a woman at least 10 minutes of erotic stimulation for her vagina to moisten, relax and stretch enough to be prepared for comfortable, rewarding penetrative sex. Let that sink in, men. 10 minutes is the bare minimum. If you rarely spend more than 10 minutes on foreplay, you’re rarely a good lover.

Another reason to spend more time on foreplay is because the longer both men and women are sexually stimulated, the more intense their orgasms will be. And foreplay feels really good physically. There’s no sense in passing that up. But more importantly, foreplay is an emotionally bonding experience. Skipping foreplay isn’t skipping a chore. It’s skipping an opportunity to experience the fullness of each other’s being.

 

 

12: Don’t do oral.

If you think oral sex is nasty, you’re naïve and selfish. You’re also a hypocrite if you think that statement is judgmental. You’re the one who judged your lover’s body to be so vile and worthless that you refuse to kiss it.

Your partner’s body isn’t nasty. Your partner is a miracle inside and out. Only a very small handful of people in all of eternity will ever get to know them intimately or see them naked. Of all the people in the world they could choose to expose themselves completely to, they chose you… and you returned the honor by recoiling in disgust!?

Your partner deserves someone they can celebrate their body with fully and freely. The tragic irony is, by choosing not to fully experience your partner, you’re missing out on all the incredible joys that come from giving and receiving oral sex (of which, physical pleasure is only one of).

 

13: Don’t do anal.

Being hesitant to do anal doesn’t make you a prude. There are legitimate concerns when it comes to anal sex, but allow me to illustrate the bigger picture through the use of a metaphor:

Two couples go to a carnival together. They approach a giant Ferris wheel. One couple wants to ride it, but the other couple is scared of falling off and doesn’t think the seats would be comfortable. The first couple goes on the ride and has the time of their life. After the ride is over they tell their friends how great the experience was. The friends brush them off saying, “If you liked it, that’s fine. It’s just not for us. We don’t have any interest in doing that sort of thing. We’re just not that kind of people.” The first couple drops the issue and respects their friend’s right to not be interested in having fun because they’re just not adventurous people.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person if you won’t take a dick in the ass. But if you won’t even consider a finger during oral or a butt plug during sex, you’re almost going out of your way not to have fun.

 

14: Don’t use sex toys.

The same metaphor I used for anal applies to using toys. However, anal sex involves feces and can be painful when done incorrectly. Most sex toys are no more dangerous or spiritually unnatural than a coffee mug.

Men need to understand that no woman is ever going to leave a man for a vibrator that’s bigger than his penis. No toy is ever going to replace a flesh and blood human who can hold, love, care for and impress a woman. Toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity to achieve better orgasms with less physical effort. No woman is going to roll over after a sex session using toys and say, “The toy was better than you.” They’re going to roll over and say, “What we just did together was great.”

I’m just saying, work smarter not harder. And, the fewer ways you make your lover orgasm, the less you’ve done for your lover.

 

 

15: Be unhealthy.

Sex with an Olympic athlete is going to be better than sex with an Ebola patient. I say that without disrespect or judgment towards the Ebola patient. This is a stoic fact. Sex is literally calisthenics. The better shape your body is in, the better you can do calisthenics.

We can’t all be Olympic athletes, but what we can do, we should, and let’s be honest, are you really doing everything you can to be in as good of shape for your partner as possible? If not, you’re not doing everything you can to be the best lover you can be.

 

16: Don’t practice safe sex.

It doesn’t matter how good you are at sex if, after each session, you put a bullet in a revolver, spin the chamber, point the barrel at your partner’s head and pull the trigger. Nothing will alter the course of a person’s life quicker and more totally than an STD or an unplanned pregnancy. Putting someone at risk for either of those fates is the most disrespectful thing you can do to them. If you don’t practice safe sex, you automatically lose your good lover card.

 

17: Always do the same thing.

If you only ever have sex in the missionary position in the same place at the same time at the same speed every time you have sex, you are most definitely not fulfilling your potential. Even if you and your partner have been together long enough to know exactly what the other person likes best, if you only have sex in your favorite positions, they’ll eventually become as boring as your favorite pop song that got overplayed on the radio. Even the sweetest, most sensual, romantic, loving sex will get old and stale if it’s the only kind of sex you ever have.

Don’t be afraid of having sex in positions that aren’t you’re favorite. Have sex in different positions, locations, times, durations, speeds, and tones. You can always revert back to the old faithful techniques to get you off at the end of a sex session. In the meantime, taste all the flavors of the rainbow. People who have experienced 100 different pleasures will probably die happier than people who have experienced 5 pleasures. And couples who have had sex in 100 different situations, have experienced their partner 100 different ways. Couples who have only had sex 5 different ways… haven’t experienced much of each other.

Variety is the spice of life. Good lovers are spicy. Bad lovers are vanilla.

 

https://youtu.be/ATzDA29TajI

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques